Now Thats What I Want/ Happy 2008



At some level, conciously or subconciously we all care what others think. There is something or the other about us that we want others to know. Shakespeare did say the world is a stage and no one likes to play his part really well unless he has an audience.

Sometimes we just want to achieve something just to be in a position to discard it. We like to be in a position of power just to show that we would not misuse it when we have the opportunity to. Some people just want to be good looking once to show others that it does not make them vain. The list is endless.
Sometimes its just to prove it to ourselves that yes we can have it. Then when we are in a position to attain it, we will discard it. What we actually end up doing is something few know because it will be a rare situation where we end up getting what we want.

At other times its not just to prove it to others. Its to prove it to ourselves as well. This is where zen philosophy comes in handy. Do only what matters to you. Dont think about others and definitely dont think about what you think others think about you...too confusing?? I know. Proving things takes a lot of time...just like the theorems in high school. Ultimately the thing that you desire, or in most cases "She", is never really worth it. When you set out to
prove it to them, you end up magnifying the value of the object of your desire. And you always end up regeretting it, no matter what.

So think zen and stop making someone else the lead character in your story. Its your life, live it Shahrukh Khan large. And have a Rollickin, rockin, ravin, mad crazy NEW YEAR!!!! See ya next yr guys... i know i didnt post much these past few months, got my final yr xams comin up and all, but will post some reviews this time round and some light stuff....not that you (whoever
that may be) cares really!!!! Well, Happy 2008

Of Leashes and Power Couplings


Couples are always difficult to handle. Its like handling an unstable molecule instead of stable free atoms. Together these atoms end up forming a dangerous compound more often than not. Most of the couples go and behave like couples everywhere. That is always difficult. The probably of liking a person is always 50%. But in a couple you have to calculate the probablility of liking
two persons. So the chances are always reduced.

I admire people who do not go proclaiming their commitment status everywhere they go. They are easier to like. It also means they share a healthy free relationship with their partners. There is a sense of balance and trust. They have their better halves but they dont let their lives go spiralling out of control stuck on their leash. They dont turn their partners into a
black hole that sucks their own life like a vortex.

Also girls are really wily in this regard. They usually let nothing affect their private life. They still hang out with their friends, have their fun and pretty much continue with the same lifestyle that they had. They string their guys along on a leash.

Its the poor guy who ends up getting cut off from his friends. He loses touch with his older life. He ends up making all sorts of compromises (guys, raise this point next time ur girl cribs or bitches about making compromises and sacrifices). He ends up in a no mans land and then God help the guy who gets dumped in such a situation. He ends up having nowhere left to go. He will
yearn for his old life back but too late.

Having your own space and privacy in any situation is very important. So it only becomes more important in such circumstances. Prioritize and organise your time and relationships. Never lose sight of who you are and always analyse what you are becoming. Being a twosome can get quite lonesome. And after a while it gets tiresome. Always retain your individual value....just
in case u decide to get back into circulation!!!
Its not always a case of you complete me like Tom Cruise said it in Jerry Maguire...sometimes its ...You eat me up and leave me dead inside!!!!!

Idealistically Really Pessimistic Cynicism


For a pessimist and a realist i sometimes find myself being too much of an idealist and end up being way too disappointed. I expect not to be btched about. I expect people to behave the same way behind my back as they do to my face. I expect them to behave like i do.

I expect a rational, clean world. I loathe politics. And i end up being born in a world where backbiting and bitching abounds and political gimmicks are the only way to get by - national politics, inter departmental politics, students vs faculty politics, inter class politics, gender politics, even sexual politics. Theyre like childish games....only theyre much more illogical and way more dangerous with loads more at stake.

If your outlook is like that of a duelist, you expect your opponent to let the count down finish before turning and firing. You dont march up expecting him to break rules and turn and fire any moment. But today, thats what happens.

If someone helps you, its usually just enough to keep you as an acquaintance so that you can be fed for future milking or to put it more morosely, to fatten you up for future slaughter. Study time and most try to stall you when asked for help. Its even understandable when you give competetive exams but for a class exam or test, isnt it possible for everyone to pass?

Every relationship is based on need and as such we are all calculative by nature. But the world today is more about materialisation. And this fact is now mirrored in every aspect of our life like a Klaxon call taken up by a Viking (or is it Scottish - what is a klaxon anyway?) warrior. People befriend you for materialistic requirements. And that is not only unnerving but extremely insulting and demeaning. Emotional dependence is also a need. Some, althought very few today, might say its a greater need than materialsitic needs. But you dont mind that. Its always flattering when someone falters and has to lean on you. It gives you a feeling of pride and your mind exults when someone gets emotionally dependent on you. Probably because its something that you can give while the material needs you satisfy is mostly, usually all due to BAAP KA PAISA.

Well Its NEWS To Me!!!!!!



Whats journalism coming to these days? And most interestingly its the lighter pieces that im talking about. Most of the females out there, well they cant do lighter columns. Nine out of ten chick columns deal with their experience on Orkut, Facebook, Myspace etc. You cant handle it ...we get it!!! Now can we get to read bout something else?

Seema Goswami wrote an article attacking T-Shirt with messages. Well just cuz she cant pull it off doesnt mean we cant. They might be crude, some might be full of innuendos but to each his own.
And most of the females out there are just writing about their browsing experiences. News flash!! save it for your autobiography ladies. We're strictly not interested. We dont care if you get hit on online or are the heroine of a chatroom. We've been there, done that.

Inadequate knowledge in a journo is the worst form of sacrilege there is. There was this girl comparing ideal men and she chose in her own words "Hector over the VAIN Achilles". She probably just saw Troy and thought shed recieved her PhD in Greek history and mythology. She probably didnt know about Achilles loyalty and bravery or how Hector in fact actually tried to run when Achilles challanged him to a duel before being caught by him.

Also featuring in my hatelist is this guy who had a nametag for every kind of SMSer. He panned the ones forwarding lewd jokes, poohpooed the sentimental joke forwarders and had a lot of hate to give to ones sending mssgs with abbreviations. Probably didnt know the meaning of the term SMS. Also i believe hes a sad sorry loser who hasnt got the hang of text messaging and noone sends him messages. Well, vent ur frustration in a blog mister, not in a national newspaper.

Then there are the TV news crews. One minor sting operation starts of a Mexican wave with other channels. Or one discovery of injustice or specific crime perpetration leads to unearthing of an entire stockload of similar crimes by all channels. You might be forgiven for thnking its a part of a nationwide conspiracy.....to make us switch off our TV sets. And our national newschannels proudly stand by their names. NATIONAL!!!! Not a word of the outside world. No concern of our neighbouring countries, forget other continents. You might think we are America or something.

So when we run out of national news, the words Breaking News dont flicker off and die. Instead, any recent happening apparently fits the billing. So the announcement of a change in the twelfth man for the cricktet team line up is also breaking news.

See if they only want to concentrate on national news, i think the idea of a 24 hr. news channel is redundant. They only end up showing the repeat telecasts from the reality shows of their affiliated channels. And i know that they are called Reality shows but the china scraping drum rolls and slow-mo effects that they use give away their daily soap like falsified drama and as such i think its criminal to even consider it newsworthy.
And lets not forget the millions of hours of cricket analysis. I mean, for cripes sake, the frigggin cricket match didnt last that long. The endless praises, the mind numbing analysis and the countless interviews with the gardner of the uncle of the cousin twice removed of Yuvraj Singh's best friend. And calling Yuvraj Singh dashing and handsome???!!! Please.

Out-Standing



Being different is what i revel in. Not being taken seriously is my stealth cloak, my cloak of
invisibility. And im sure many feel the same way. But sometimes it just takes one factor to change it all -like i had occasion to observe recently in a friend of mine.Maybe the lack of appreciation gets to you. Maybethe constant jokes and lack of importance finally breaks you down. Maybe its several nods of acknowledgement that will appease you. Or may be its just one persons appreciation that makes you obfuscate betweenconventional and rebel.

What we need to understand is that rebellion is not about being cool. Its not about sporting a Che GueveraT-shirt at a nightclub, pub or a party. It is about sacrificing and understanding that you are not meant to fit in. And if viewed the right way, that can be something to be proud of.

Anything that is different stands out and anything that stands out invited critique. Mind you, if you tryto be different just for the sake of standing out, your actions will lack coherence and deep inside you realise the frivolity of your deeds.

Stubbornness, depending on your point of view can be a good or a bad quality. But i dare you to deny thefact that it is an immensely valuable quality. Your inherent INERTIA is, ironically, what DRIVES you,motivates you.

You end up sacrificing a lot. But you it should not feel like a sacrifice. If you feel like white hot rods piercing your heart everytime you miss out on something fun that everyone is involved in, you belong withthem. You arent meant to stand out - its just your fervent wish to be different that is deluding you. Thoughsometimes you do end up encountering certain factors that pull you towards the crowd. Most often though, as observed in the cases of a few of my friends, its just infatuation with a single person which can alter yourthought proccess. But trust me, its just the unattainability of it that lures you in. If ever you were to manage to get that person you would realise that it wasnt worth it at all.

Run Baby Run!!!


If one is ambitious such as me then one must not waste time pursuing frivolous human attachments. Note now that i use the word ambitious. I neither attach to this category the attributes of being successful, talented, gifted or otherwise able/capable of anything. Just a burning and yearning desire within to prove oneself to oneself and the world.

Because then this ambition makes us the participants of a race in life. Before this point we are carefree preambulators in the weekend of our life taking a refreshing constitutional. But the moment you have ambitions your Sunday ends. I matters not if you are enterprising and hardworking enough to go to work on Monday but the weekend is at an end. The Starting gun has been fired and the race has begun. And along this road all those that you meet are those who run alongside you.

Invariably in later parts of the race you will either be overtaken by them (most likely in my case) or leave them behind.

Some of them you directly compete against and you have a brush with others. But getting attached will make you set pace by them. You slow down to their level and you lose sight of your goal. That is still ok. But should they turn out to be ambitious and actually have the talent to pursue their ambitions (oh cruel world, and me a defeathered dodo among prancing peacocks!!!!) it is you who is left behind. Besides its a matter of priority. If you are here to achieve something then it doesnt do to adjust urself and your lifestyle according to your friends. In the ambitious and competetive situation that we have created around us, you can take it as a given that everyone around you is out to achieve or prove something. If you notice closely that when it comes to competition many can conviniently forget that you exist, especially when the competition is amongst you.

So being a softie and having your warm temporary Dil Chahta Hai moment is not what you should be aspiring to because the world is cruel and it doesnt pay to care more than the next person, let alone more than the next ten persons combined.

Wow!!..Thats Like....Ummm...Y'Know....So Cool!!!!!!



We live in a crowded...no let me restate that.....extremely OVERcrowded nation. We are used to company welcome or otherwise. So much so that loneliness has become a difficult and for most of us impossible option. we need to matter to other people. We need to be noticed.

And thats why most of us act cool. Being cool is a real rebel thing. Its what people are no matter what others thing. But to most of us its being perceived cool that matters. To be noticed being indifferent. Trying hard to act like you don't care so that people show you care. And that invariably leads to outrageous stunts, cry for attentions and fashion senses. Clowning around, fooling around, being the butt of jokes with a i don't give a damn attitude...all in a bid to get noticed.

Desperately attempting by-the-minute weirder stunts we are over-eager to achieve the status of cool, thereby ironically acting nething but the frigid state of passivity we strive to attain. Being hot is cool but thats beyond our control, so being cool is hot (confused are ya? well its a crazy world and this is a crazy blog).

When elements enter a cooled state (bear with me as i flaunt what little and grossly inaccurate scientific knowledge i possess) the molecules stabilize, the electrons lose their restlessness, and an ordered state is entered. In human terms it means, a trappist monk in a frozen Tibetian cave who doesn't raise and eyebrow when his long lost brother steps in with Brad Pitt in tow ------ COOL; the guy hanging outside the popular fast food joint with piercings and overlarge belts, wristbands and whatnots surrounded by guys with weird pink and lilac t-shirts with equally appalling accessories --- NOT SO MUCH.

I wonder if its really their fault. Much of the blame lies with the aforementioned wanted/unwanted company. Its mostly the often wanted company at the wrong time hence being 'unwanted company" (whatever that means i hear someone scorn??). Its their million and one reasons of why we are uncool that makes us strive to be cool. I have suffered that fate. Though i must admit with some pride (let me savor my moment. Its not often that i have something to be proud of) that i did not succumb the the Be Cool Syndrome. Friends coming over and nagging me to shave, dress better to cut my hair. You'll look better they say. Girls like clean shaves they say. Match your clothes they nag persistently.

These are the same people who spend an three hours to buy a t-shirt and a whole another day for a decent pair of jeans (I've actually seen my mother buy saris in lesser time - of course she had me to help her chose and to nag). These are the guys who use fairness creams (of three different varieties) and apply face packs, set their hair thrice in five minutes and leave with a comb jutting out of their back pockets. To these guys all id like to say is - THERE'S A FINE LINE BETWEEN BEING METROSEXUAL AND HOMOSEXUAL. AND THAT LINE MY FRIENDS IS DRAWN WITH A FAIR N LOVELY FACE CREAM.

Jhandoo Udte Rahein Hamaare


This sunday morning a friend of mine brought to my attention this well written and witty piece in the Hindustan Times Sunday supplement. Ridiculing several well noted characteristics and traits of us incorrigible Indians it enlarged upon many themes several of which i have noticed myself. For example our tendency to follow ICT instead of IST...i.e. Indian Classical Time instead of Indian Standard Time. We wake up at the time we are supposed to leave...no no, let me rectify that, our alarm rings when we are supposed to leave and then we snooze, we wake up, take our time in performing our daily toilets and ablutions and then get ready leisurely. And if you happen to reach an hour before the appointed time, you find you have pipped the host to the winning post. The host, who is supposed to kick of the procceedings must arrive within an hour and a half from the appointed time and no later.

But a few essential and less funnier points were left out and i will try to elaborate on them in the following passages. Bear with me.

Also the tendencies of Gujaratis to spread Gujarat like a lymphoma wherever they go. They not only carry their papads and achars with them but their essential Gujaratiness which is infections...and not necessarily in the good sense like laughter. Like wise the tendency of few South Indians to spread favouritism and segeragation wherever they go.

Hipocrisy is our biggest luxury and corruption is our largest commodity. Corruption sells things and gets things done. But only in India can corruption itself develop into a full fledged albeit officially unacknowleged industry. It is an essentiality and a comfort. Follow all the procedures to the T. Cross your Ts and dot your Is. But unlike older times bribery isnt just to cut the line or jump the gun. Bribery is implied in every step of the proper procedural order.

Hypocrisy. A very essential element of our culture. Diversity is a symbol of our nation. And in many senses. Diversity in our attitude and behaviour, our judgements and beliefs towards the same object or situation in differing circumstances is what is so necessary for our survival. It helps keep up the fragile facade and maintain the delicate balance between our needs and our public image.

The importance to be noticed. To be acknowledged is important. We make it a clear point to recieve no thanks for the favours done but the thanks given is naturally considered a custom a tradition like dowry or a birthday gift. The disinclination to accept it is just a ritual. If the aforementioned thanks is not prooferred even though our contribution may be insignificant even deterrent to the cause we will be so very hurt if thanks are not given. Its like a credit card swipe....one swish and the digital account is instantly changed....instant gratification.

Guys and girls acting like they are in the west. So influenced by west movies and culture yet constrained and crippled by local customs and sense of proprieties, we end up in a no mans land. And that means being deluded. Check that girl out shes looking at me. shes sending me signals. That guy is all nuts about me. Guys are desperate to have us. Girls pretend they dont care but are among the most desperate creatures, just crying out for attention and to be noticed. These and other misconceptions abound and are accepted by a misguided youth society.

We also have different perceptions of what is vulgar and unethical. Anything that goes against what has been ingrained into us from like forever is vulgar. Secretly enjoy though we may these things, our sense of decorum and decency demands that we condemn and pan these things. Music videos and raunchy ads and R rated movies. Of course belching and farting are part of the natural order as is picking our teeth with open mouthed satisfaction or picking our noses in public. No siree....it cant be classified as vulgar...just not cricket...or rather gulli dandaa. I wouldnt be surprised if Mrs. Sushma Swaraj just happened to crack her infamous whip on television channels just because she caught her husband having it off to a midnight tv show on his sofa with his belly, among other areas of his anatomy, hanging out.

Everyone has something to say. Men and Women are a bundle of needs. Indian men and women are a bundle of needs and the needs to express their opinions. Advice is always free and prooferred. Its only a while before some starch fed belching Gujarati hits upon the idea of harnessing advice as the next big moneyspinning industry. Gossiping is in the nature of people. Decorum and decency is maintained in front of our guests always. But that to is always taken literally. IN FRONT of them. Most of the time we are counting off the seconds to their departure so tongues can start wagging and opinions start being formed.

Goodness Gracious Green Balls of Fire.



Those green eyes like calm pools that contain a turbulence beneath hitherto unheard of. This is how most of my friends describe their latest passing crush. Well...more or less. That is the gist of what they imply. But as for me, this is how most often i find myself describing another green eyed creature....monster actually. To quote Shakespeare (oh that is so passe i hear someone moan?) the green eyed monster that doth mock the meat it feeds on. Or something lieketh thateth.

Jealousy is a way of showing possessiveness and affection. A little jealousy is not only ok but essential. It goes to show that you are indeed human and you care. It, rather than imitation is the best form of flattery. But only in controlled healthy doses. Jealousy outside the sphere of rhyme and reason metamorphoses into possesiveness. In love it is essential to show little signs of jealousy to prove that you still care, that they still hold some esteem in your eyes. Little shows of jealousy, showing that you are annoyed is a cool thing. Holding it in is not healthy anyway, its always good to let it out, but as always like with steam and anger, it should be done in short controlled bursts.

Jealousy because of some inherent inferiority complex or insecurities that you might have inevitably gives rise to possesiveness. Keeping tabs or being unreasonably inquisitive and suspicious can never be healthy. Even if you have to probe do it in a lightheartedly provoking manner. And then watch the eyes as they reply.

Every relationship has scope for jealousy. And every relationship is affected the same way. And everytime it arouses because you are unsure of your status, there is a real or imagined fall in your stature. And that invariably means a replacement. Being content with one lot is not in man's and certainly not in a woman's nature. Being a confidante, or a co conspirator or a platonic friend is never enough. We have to dominate every aspect of that persons life. We need to hold the most important status in every emotion and need that they might feel. Being replaced in any category can never be tolerated. The more important position you hold, the more prone to jealousy you become.

But jealousy is not entirely dependent on your status in that persons eye. Fear of being replaced is not the only fodder for that chimaeric green eyed monster. A person to whom you might hold no relevance whatsoever can just as well agitate the fragile peace of your mind. You have to carefully devaluate the person in your mind. But if its a crush you must be careful not to let others opinion devaluate him/her in your eyes. Because that never happens. Internally if not outwardly you end up defending them and espousing their causes. So much so that their esteem in your eyes actually ends up hitting the roof.

Relatively Speaking

What makes for a great chemistry? What makes different people gel? Well, firstly that depends greatly on the nature of the relationship. Confusion about nature, intent mobile humor psyche. A few laughs are good and essential but they dont hold. Humor brings people closer quicker than any other factor but it has very poor sustaining power.

The kind of relation you have is proportional directly or inversely (hey this aint math its psychology) to your intentions.It depends on the sex and sexuality of the two individuals. Both the individuals have an intent as to what the relationship is exactly supposed to be. A successful relationship depends on the two intents being the same. Confusion regarding your intetions invariably leads to squinty eyed distortion. Each foot with a mind of its own can only lead to a drunken gait.
Various compatibility factors play a role. Common amenities, qualities....things basically, material or ethereal matter. Tastes and attitude matter. Tastes interestingly, dont have to match. For people who love to argue and debate, having opposite tastes is enough to spark conversations and be the start of a friendship. How long such a relationship lasts varies on the temperament and the ability of each person to take things in a lighter vein.

Which brings us to temperament. Temperamental people especially those who have less temper and are more mental find it hard to adjust or be compatible. Funny thing though...everyone except a tempermental person realises the fact that he is infact...touchy. Maybe at some level he refuses to acknowledge it. Misunderstandings are like a gasoline tank to a spark for a temperamental person. And the favorite haunting ground for misunderstandings is...yep, the good ol' internet. Font colors, styles and smileys come a poor poor second to voice tone, body language and the presence of a twinkle in the eye. The intended tone and vein of the comment or statement is too often lost in translation.

Sometimes things as trivial as having an ipod or sharing the same mobile network can bring people close. Friendship is less strenuous to maintain so lasts longer than most relationships. Expectations should be clear. And no matter what one must not get overly casual. There is such a thing as too much sharing. Humor provides a strong bond as i have occassion to mention earlier. No other factor can bring two people close faster than a shared sense of humor. But it is frivolous and superficial. It has very low sustaining power.

On the other hand, a psychological connection is much deeper and more lasting. More important than guessing whether the other person likes chocolate or is a saggitarius is the fact that you can guage his mood and know exactly how he or she feels.

Platonic relationships can be fun. But only if you can correctly recognise them for what they are. Some people believe they have the ability to be the best of friends with anyone. They think they have the ability to make friends quickly. They are constantly surrounded by people and have more friends than is normal or needed. But these are the people who end up having differences with other very very quickly. They attribute it to several factors. Some inherent problem, the weirdness of this present generation, or the fact that people are jealous of their other friends. But the problem lies with them. They take on more than they can handle and are unable to hold onto any of them. They may get off to a great start but lack sustaining power. Everytime you enter a new atmosphere you make many friends. With the passing of time you end up with a casual relationship with some, indifference with some, have bitter arguments with some and become the best of friends with some. You would have to be more neutral than the whole of Switzerland combined to be able to have a friendly relationship with everyone. And even then youd be on a casually friendly term with everyone and not have many or in some cases any real friends. They end up being alienated and bitched about behind their backs. Which is also true for those who hold casual relationships with everyone unfeelingly impassionately.

Every relationship, whatever it may be needs to have an element of friendship within it to be successful and enduring. The ability to read the others thoughts and make light of dire situations is what makes for a good friend. And when you are dealing with girls....no amount of warnings can suffice...never let your guard down..that is exactly what they want.

Seriously Funny!!!

You are in a bad mood...the first thing you loose is ...yep ur sense of humor. How do you show people ur cool, by being bored and losing ur sense of humor. By not laughing at simple jokes. You will still wear wanna be earstuds and put down cool songs cuz now they are oh so popular. But yeah...ur humor..thats out of the window. Maybe thats why cool people and in general most of the people around are so boring and insane. Theyve lost touch with their humor. Humor is the glue that binds your sanity to you. The world is a windy place and your sanity is a flimsy, fragile butterpaper waiting to be whisked away. Frivolity is a light snack that keeps you sated without the omnious shadow of obesity looming over you. Without the light in light humor you are doomed forever to preambulate aimlessly the upper echelons of the dark tower of insanity.

Fine fine ill stop being so spooky and get down to lighter brass (polished brass that is) tacks. See you dont like me when i get all serious. Thats how important humor is. It actually makes a person like me likeable (well ok that was a long shot...but at least tolerable right?). It is something we need to cling on to if we have a hope of surviving in this world. There is humor to be found in every aspect of life. Paradoxically however insane or crazy people with sense of humor may be (and those who know me are emphatically nodding along at this point) it is sometimes the only thing that makes sense. So not seeing the lighter side of things and laughing at silly jokes does not mean you are the strong silent type (cuz face it you dont have the chiselled features of Stallone or his box office success) it just means that you have lost touch with yourself.

Humor can be found in any situation. Instead of moping around on valentines day mourning your single status, enjoy the fact that you have your entire wallet to yourself and laugh at fools buying roses at ten times the price. Insane acts and insanity fuels up humour. It is the main instigator so to speak. And yet humor is the steadfast anchor for your sanity specially in this cataclysmic near apocalyptic world we inhabit. (In case some of you are wondering i have made it a point to include at least a few big words in every blog from now on no matter how badly i spell them or how silly they look.)

If humor is underappreciated among all the states of mind/states of emotions/qualities/mannerisms, then self deprecating humor is the most underestimated among all kinds of humor (again if neone is wondering why i go for the americanised spelling its cuz im lazy and its easier and also the other spelling is not Indian but Brit..so given the choice...well u figure it out). Self deprecating humor helps you estimate urself, you can take things in a more lighter, tolerant vein and it makes it difficult for people to target you. Also humor can be used to decimate barriers, lower inhbitions....a dangerous power in the wrong hands (sounds so cool doesnt it? kinda like Sith lightning from Star Wars). Nothing brings people closer faster than a shared sense of humor...trust me on that one.

Changing Channels - Surfing Life

All the resources we know have a limit. So do the resources of patience, emotions, confidence and other stands also limited? So resources directed in one direction will get depleted in another direction right? Maybe this is why when someone is getting on your nerves, you get crabby and irritated at life in general, cuz ur patience is directed at that one irritating source. So my confidence and trust are directed towards my beliefs and ideals maybe this is why i suffer from lack of self confidence and self belief. Cuz let me tell you for a pessimisstic guy who is a loser and has no faith in myself, i sure do stand by my convictions and have blind implicit faith in my principles and beliefs.

Then comes the problem of confidence. I am confident in my beliefs and principles and in my abilities. I am confident enough to know that i have zero potential, no capabilites whatsoever. People who are down and out are sometimes able to do something about it. And those who are unable to do anything, write or sing about their problems. I happen to fall into that category. The ultimate loser. I have confidence in what i think and believe but i dont have enough confidence in my confidence if you get my drift. But what interests me is is it the same with everyone? Abundance in one department leads to deficiency of the same in another? A similar situation that i will elucidate goes to explain why Nice Guys Finish Last (Green Day were bang on target with this number).

Its a cruel, mean, crazy world out there. Being saintly is the stupidest thing one could do, possibly bravest but certainly the stupidest. (okay, okay, most stupid not stupidest for you language sticklers). But being good is no walk in the park either. Not even a seedy park near a known crack den at one a.m. in the night. Being good, trying hard not to hurt others even though they have it coming, trying not to get angry, get mad takes up most of your energies (yours here meaning the good guys only). So they dont have much time for anything else. So unless they are extraordinarily gifted (Sigmund, Samir take a bow here) its impossible to come up tops in every or infact, anything.

Here an important thing is to give yourself some time alone. Read some books. Not enlightening high brow shit but pulp fiction and thrillers. Watch some silly movies. It lightens you up gets the adrenaline pumping. Laugh out loud, whistle at the absurd characters even shout out profanities. Its always important to let the bad out in private lest it leaks out in public. After all why fart in public when you have a bathroom.

So its like two hands and several balls up in the air while someone is trying to kick you in the balls. We are constantly juggling moods, emotions, thoughts, faiths and transferring them from one object to another or in the case of emotions from one state to another. Now emotions may be juggled like anger to love to hate to sadness to happiness. But even each of these have to be in limited quantity. One can only have so much love to give. One can only have so much anger to focus. What becomes the object of what is dependent on us....a fact that not many of us realise.

Letting off steam helps, chanelling emotions into the proper canal helps, and avoid overexposure of yourself to everyone. Alone time (i reapeat this incessantly not only here but in every goddamn blog all the live long day - i know) is of the utmost essence.

Get The Popcorn Me Hearties Yo Ho! A Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End Review

The third and again presumably final (whats with the trilogy obssession? Desperado trilogy, Bourne Trilogy, Shrek Trilogy, Star Wars trilogies, LOTR trilogy, Pirates Trilogy, X-men trilogy Godfather Trilogy etc) installment of the High Sea adventures of Captain Jack Sparrow and his cohorts is here. And it doesnt disappoint. But that is mostly because of the lowered expectations courtesy Dead Man's Chest.

You wonder why they whimsically brought Geoffrey Rush back to life and then you thank god they did for he helps while away time in each Deppless frame. And unfortunately there are quite a few. Why Kiera Knightley was given so big a role is a mystery. Why Johnny Depp was given so less (comparitive to the first two movies of course) is also a mystery. Why Knightley and Orlando Bloom have not resorted to taking acting classes is also a mystery. Add in a few more mysteries in the movie itself and you have quite a mysterious finale. But the thrill and Adrenaline run high mainly due to Johnny Depp's performance and Hans Zimmers awesome score.

Well the second and third installments make the storyline of the first movie seem inconsequential and kiddie like. Big world shaping events take place in the later episodes specially the final chapter. But i still like the first movie the best. At World's End does a good job of handling all the characters thrown into the fray and making sense and concluding all the storylines bombarded at us in the second installment.

All in all a good fare and if you watched the first two then this is a definitely dont miss. Kudos to Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush for awesome performances. Also commendable is the emphatically enunciating, Irish spouting, tentacled face monster Davy Jones/ Bill Nighly.

So throw logic and sense out of the windows and ready the popcorn me hearties!!!! oh and watch out for a scene after the titles...

Fantastic Bore: Demise of Movie Making or A Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer Review


The not so fantastic foursome face off against a trio of baddies. The foursome spend most of the time brokering deals with the baddies and the baddies keep turning on each other. To stop Galactus, they need the Surfer, to catch the Surfer they need Dr, Doom. Oh what a joyous merry go round they lead us. So there isnt much fighting to do nor is there much in the
form of a storyline.

Special effects are ok. Chris Evans is ok. Thats fine by me since Human Torch is the only character i really care about. And he is the only one who gets to do any fighting. Interestingly they stay faithful to all the Fantastic Four quirks and mannerisms. The ambience the gadgets the behavior etc. But still its like a perfect mechanical robot without a soul. Ioan Gruduff does a good job but his character isnt properly developed. Jessica Alba cant act nor can she pull of the blonde hair. Even The Thing/Ben Grimm doesnt get any action (by which i of course mean clobbereing).

The title is inaapropriate. There is no rise. But the silver surfer is there. And such magnificient potential wasted. The character is severely underdeveloped. Dr. Doom is aesthetically faithfull but little else. The climax is disappointing. Fortunately the movie is fast paced which is one of its few strengths.

Corny dialogues possibly lifted from older comics not even the contemporary ones and virtuous monologues at the end make you squirm and cringe in your seat. Clearly this one was made strictly for the kiddies. The end is meaningless which makes most of the movie pointless. And why do they pretend to bump off characters when everyone knows theyre just gonna bring them back. Avoid this one guys.

Fairly Tame/Fairy Tale Ending : A Shrek The Third Review

The monster has now been completely civilised. Hes married, has to visit the in laws, has great buddies to hang out with and in well on his way to a reluctant fatherhood. The final step (hopefully - would be good to go out on a high note) in the saga of our beloved monster tale. Domesticated and housebroken though he may be-eth he'll be damned if he's going to take on the administory (is that even a
word???!!??) position of king of far far away - Far Far Away being not one of those cool barbaric frigid zones waging constant wars but a quiet suburban kingdom much like L.A.

So when the frog-king (throw back your mind to the second movie) croaks his last, Shrek faces the choice of assuming the position himself or bringing in the next in line - Would be king Arthur. So of course, Shrek is off to adventure accompanied by Donkey (yeah!!!) whose sudden fatherhood has done nothing to diminish his silliness or sober him up and Puss in Boots (yeah baby!!!) who when hes not clanging swords with the best or making puppy dog faces (or is that kitten faces??!!?) is chasing Pussy N Booty.

The ladies are content to sit around throwing showers and sipping tea but that would be too boring. So Charming who for some reason was spared at the end of the second movie rallies all the fairy tale villains to his side. Yeah baby - time for the comeuppance of the bad guys. One almost sympathises with their plight. Little bit of lost potential there though because off all the fairytale villains they couldve picked they picked a surprisingly small no. Anyway its left to the lovely and some not so lovely accompanied by Donkey's Dragon to defend the kingdom from Charmings not so charming coup.

MEanwhile Arthur/Artie (bland performance by Justin Timberlake) turns out to be a highschool loser (took me back to old times that did) much drided and in dire need of self confidence or well a crown. Its upto the heroes to convince him to take up his destiny (cmon why stay in highschool when you can be king) and rush back to rescue the kingdom.

To make things interesting Donkey and Puss have an out of body experience and Merlin is thrown in. All in all the gags are funny, the starting few frames will have you in splits. Do not miss the start. Awesome performances by Eddie Murphy and Antonio Banderas. Also commendable is Mike Myers. All in all a fun though short movie with a nice soundtrack.

Of Apocryphal Banalities and Effacive Boundaries




Divisions have brought more unity than any other factor. Religious divides may bring dischord but it brings people of the same religion closer. Same goes for regional divides. If there were no Pakistan how many of us would be patriots? When have you cheered for your country more than in a cricket match. Everyone apparently needs a reminder of his "inherent" loyalties, which they claim are dormant ready to wake up like Kumbhakarn. You need an insult to the flag, or what is percieved as an insult to make you realise that its your national symbol and needs to be respected as such. Flag, the Indian Tricolor probably now inspires more fear than the Nazi
symbol during WWII. The best recourse is to salute it gravely from afar and then get going. Anything more to do with it is dangerous. Everytime you bring out your favourite T-Shirt youll be thinking...am i wearing green trousers...oh God and my undergarments are white, also im wearing a black belt...Good Heavens can this be construed as an insult to the flag??? Watch out next time u suck on an orange candy. Make sure ur not standing next to a guy eating vanilla whose standing next to a guy eating a green lemon ice candy.

Does it work on the same principle as "You dont realise the value of what you have until its lost"? OR is it because a bunch of out of work, down on luck, talentless, coarse, immature, bestial, easily duped, adrenaline junkies have nothing better to do than to cradle hockey sticks while sipping bad tea and watching the television in search of news that they can agitate against. They are certainly broad minded in some respects. From movie stars to art undergrads to AIDS activists - they spare noone. So division brings unity and the secular unity of the nation....that unity divides. A paradox if ever there was one much like life itself. A circle of irony and paradoxes that may give everyone what they want but in the wrong form at the wrong time leaving no one satisfied. Which i guess is as it should be, for if everyone was satisfied life would be stagnant and then there would be Armageddon. Stagnancy is death. change is the only constant in the world.

But to get back to the great divide. The Enemy of my Enemy is my Friend. Not quite an apt saying but Ally is certainly correct. A kinship is formed when two people unite against a third. Think about it. You probably have the most fun when you get together with a friend and badmouth a third party. That third party could be your mutual friend to a teacher at college to Hrithik Roshan to Oprah Winfrey. But it forms a bond. It certainly does. Thats why so much male bonding (Ahem....No gay undertones implied) occurs on sports fields, battlefields and prisons. And unity is the one thing that highlights differences more prominently, sounds dischords the most vociferously, shrilly proclaiming the lack of verisimilitude. Differnt people going about their businesses, living in close proximity, having different habits, pandering to a different lifestyle -- no one pays much attention. But try ushering them under one banner in the indefagtible spirit of unity and you see a convoluted vortex like rainbow of discrepancies creep in. This point was elucidated to an extent in what has become a modern cult book - Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I started reading it but the first couple of pages told me it was going to be a real piece of crap. Nevertheless my point is the same clause is emphasised, here in the guise of vagrancies in Men vs. Women. The best is to let things remain undefined
maintaining a balance where conflict exists to the point of inducing confluence.

The most remarkable alliances have their foundations in the tecton rocks of mutual hatred. But none ever last. In the spirit of constant change and dynamism once the threat is removed attention is turned within, and then when the cracks are magnified under scrutiny the strains on the bonds are too much, the alliances crumble. In this same spirit how long does a unity last -- a unity forcibly garbed around diverse and conflicting personas like a stifling coarse garb choking the very freedom so coveted by an individual? The inherent and subconcious awakening of this fact has lead perhaps to the culture of Moving On. No one fights or holds onto what they
once coveted anymore. The slightest signs of strain, the merest static of interference, the minutest signs of assymetry and people chuck the whole thing in the dumpster and move ahead -- no place for sentimentality (Yes, you are correct in assuming that i have relationships in mind while making this point.). No attachments, no bonds, nothing bereft if left. Which would be wonderful if one were a Jedi Knight in training, but alas the rest of the attitude bears little resemblance to those sagely warriors. The almost ephemeral balance that delicately holds equilibrium and semblance of sanity is too tedious a pursuit for people to devote any time to.

For example lets take what people call love. It cant be unconditional, thats just acceptance unfettered by any conditions. It cant develop gradually over a period of time, thats just a compromise, a mutually symbiotic ambivalent situation devised to provide comfort, convinience or a fluid maintainance of status quo. It is a delicate balance of several things that click and that you happen to like. Any one of your assumptions coming untrue would lead or atleast should lead to you falling out of love because once those anomalies are observed, it figures that this is not what you fell in love with.

While i view other relationships with not so stringent particulars, i still maintain that for their effective and effcient continuation a balance needs to be maintained. But things have become less like classical music and more like rock music...an octave higher or an octave lower which once made a whole world of difference now only induces perhaps the least imperceptible quiver of the eyebrow. People prefer to live safe while claiming to live vicariously. Because the one fact firmly ingrained in their subconcious is this. Things change and the apprehension and the agonisingly nailbiting wait for the other shoe to drop can drain the fun out of even the
present. Thats pessimism for you. And being a hardcore, die hard (optimism wld be never say die, so pessimism is die hard right? ok ok, bad joke.) pessimist thats the way i see it.

The epicentre of a balanced disc..or the fulcrum of a balanced situation is very very delicate. More so because of the dynamism and fluidity of the opposing factors. Hanging on with tenacity and yet knowing when to let go is important. An octave higher and an octave lower may be all the difference between Cacophony and euphony. Dont hold your point till apoplectic delirium sets in but do hold on. Collate the happenings around you, the alluric may be fools gold and what you let go may be the real deal.

Getting Fresh

OK, first off -- Samir, funny isnt as easy as one might think. This sad and sobering fact i realised yesterday when i tried to switch off the torrent of thoughts and emotions ever running in my mind and tried to concentrate on wit. I failed miserably. Down below is my pathetic excuse for a funny article. Apologies my friends.

Heres some word on some looting, duping and decieving Gujarati style. Dunno where Mukesh Ambani gets his tips and inspirations but his latest scam looks like his guru is none other than the demon Modi himself. Another fancy sounding scheme that attracts people and so far people havent even begun to realise they are being duped.

A word of advice to Mr. Mukesh Ambani -- leave the fancy hi-tech stuff to chhotaa bhai. He
carries it off much better than you. I am of course, commenting on the Reliance Fresh scheme.Of course over here the vegetable vendors visit the main market early to ensure that the basic stuff that we need for our daily requirements are not available FRESHLY at the Reliance outlets....(yeah. chalk one up for the underdogs). You pick up a framework trolley (if you can find one). Then u put a basket on top. Then you pick out the veggies and fruits yourself, go to the polythene dispensing machine and put the stuff in - a different bag for each foodstuff. Then you go over to the counter and overpay for everything youve bought. Oh and you also have your regular foodstuffs and chocolates, biscuits, wafers...stuff that you get at retail price at say a big bazaar or whatever. Unfriendly staff and an irritating counter lady reciting useless offers like a five yr. old reciting "The Wreck of Hesperus" to indulgent adults dont add to the charm in anyway whatsoever. Also, whats so FRESH about those precooked, Kitchens of India and MTR vegetable packets which you can get anywhere?

Also dont expect perfect red apples or flawless potatoes and other veggies that youve only probably seen in Hollywood flicks. Or fresh fruits and vegetables kept in a chilled refrigerated environment. Also no handy man standing by to chop and peel for you or offer you tastes or anything of the sort.

Typical Gujarati way to loot you. You let urself be robbed with a smile on your face as you pick out not exceptionally fresh RADDISH (yep, thats how it was spelt) and imported pears (the fact that Indian pears are more delicious and they didnt stock any notwithstanding). So its just your average..and in many ways below average supermarket with just more quirks throw in (which somehow all involve you doing all the work) and some different (not good just different) marketing tactics.

Fun if you are a romantic who dreams about running into chicks at the supermarket or if you want quality imported chickpeas and budget no bar. You might get some exotic varieties there but for the most part you are better off shopping at your local vendor's. After all there is such a thing as the joy of haggling.

Alone in the Dark......You See the Light


Lonliness is an art. The art of being a loner is a very tough one. It may sound cool being a loner and rebel but it is very difficult and very dangerous. Striking the right balance between privacy and complete seclusion can be dicey for certain people. Private moments are needed to collect your thoughts, let of steam and unleash whatever is being withheld inside. Lack of it can lead to irritability and bouts of bad mood which can be directed at anyone near you without reason and discrimination. Everything irritates and small minor flaws become gaping, glaring
defects.

Not everyone can handle being alone and neither should they try. Also some people forced to share company are actually better off alone. If you have a ceaselessly working mind then you can give it a shot. I used to find it a curse, at times i still do. I never can stop thinking, and just give things a rest. Relaxing is somehow out of the question. Even when i am apparently relaxing, there are thoughts running constantly running through my mind, each fighting for
attention. (so can you blame me if for my poor academic performances?). Watching movies, listening to music or reading books doesnt give respite. Instead, they give rise to millions of new thoughts, disjointed, vague, useless and incoherent thoughts hitting my mind by the droves.

Problmes arise when you start craving for company only to realise later that you were better off alone. For me, time among others is a time to observe, imbibe and learn. I constantly guage moods, capture moments and observe quirks, trends, habits and tendencies. Time alone is spent analysing these little figments of observation. These are mostly what i base my writings upon. I can get very irritable when this schedule is disturbed, and it quite often is. I am a moody person, and freaks like me generally are. When i feel like being left alone, i detest intrusions
of privacy. I get irked easily, temper rises quicker than normal (and in my case, even normal is quite mercurial, so you can only imagine my anger in a pressure cooker situation). Also for some stupid reason, i dont casually swear which one has to realise is quite a potent stressbuster.

It is in lonliness that your thoughts dwell. That is also a very dangerous thing. If you are not in control of yourself, and lets face it we are no zen monks or buddhists as to be so masterful, you will vaccilate. We change our minds a thousand different times in the space of a little while. What will be the end decision is anyones guess. We have all probably heard of that professorial anecdote about holding a glass of water long enought to make your arms ache. No work is being done claims the professor but still we feel tired. He then goes on to philosophise using a comparision between this pointless act and letting thoughts dwell long enough in our mind. But i say that it is important to let them dwell. Only when they dwell long enough do we begin to see the negative aspects of things. The darker side is only then visible.
And while most people want to stay positive, smiling chirpy happy go lucky sorts, things dont work that way. Being an optimistic, positive fool is only ignoring things. The bad sides, the countless things that could go wrong, the millions of negative aspects have to be examined and considered.

It is how you handle things from thereon, what paths you choose after realisation dawns upon you that matters. You will have to face tough facts and consequentially make some tough decisions. If you take the easy road inspite of the cold hard facts dawning upon you, then you are just avoiding confrontation. And in you desperation to avoid it, you might end up ruining some other aspect of your life. Bcuz lets face it, only so many things can occupy the surface conciousness that is you mind at a given time.

Forced in the company of your own shadow you will learn to appreciate yourself. And not in the ego inflating, self righteous, pompous sort of way but in a coarse, rugged finer aspects sort of way.

Settle in Love, Dont Fall


Okay, ive had this fight with different friends. All mostly disagree with me, but none of the answers were consistent bar one (Sigmund, this is you). Even so, i disagreed. Question: Can you prevent yourself from falling in love? My Answer: Yes. Ive heard it all from ur just saying that to u say that now, but when it happens you cant stop it. And my question is why not? Why cant you guard yourself from your moment of weakness. It is the most important decisaion of ur life. Why make it in a moment of weakness.
The dating philosophy of the youngsters today (fine fine, im a grandpa), the Gen X leaves me flabbergasted. I will first off declare that for some reason, i am an ultra conservative person. I come from a very liberal background and have had all sorts of freedom and liberties. But still i personally take a very conservative outlook on life. And so the antics of my generation often leave me gaping. They take these things so frivolously. Fall in love, fall out of love, change partners at the drop of a hat. The girls like to string along a number of guys at once, under the pretext of keeping their options open. Thats another thing. As bad as guys are, you can see them from what they are. Girls have this another hidden layer of hitherto undiscovered evilness.
They act as if they are in a buffet line, tasting and testing till theyve found the right dish. They swear by their trial and error method, not even bothering to take pains to look for the right person. Then if things start going wrong, they dont even bother to patch things up. Dump is the four letter word they swear by and move on to the next target. Some actually do give their relationship a chance. Of course, there isnt much of a relationship and the person theyve chosen is a proven stinker but the infatuation level is so high and their attitude so immature that they simply cant let go. And then there are those who know its not going to work between them or know its not a permanent thing and that the person they choose is not going to be the one they end up with and still they date each other, just to "Experience". So, even if you really fall for someone, its a difficult situation. You never know their past and have no idea what sort of flings theyve had, who theyve dated and what theyve done. Which makes things even more difficult for those who opt for or are forced into arranged marriages. To test and gauge everything in an hour is impossible.
Then there are those who are confused and easily impressed. These are the ones who dont know better and mistake crushes and infatuations for the real thing. Or maybe its just that they dont care. Why not spend the rest of your life with someone whom you are physically attracted to. The rest can be sorted out since life is about adjustment and compromise. Its a weird logic. Or maybe its just me thats weird because i say, why compromise?
As for me, i coudldnt bear to be with someone who has had innumerable flings (or actually even a single one, come to think about it). Its not just about being someones first preference but more. Call it ego if u will but thats the way it is. T just sit there and have someone look at you lovingly and then to realise, that shes looked at someone else the same way, or to rest ur head in her lap and lie in a carefree manner only for it to hit you that someone else before you has probably done the same thing.
Its a weird attitude and i feel it. More so because noone else agrees with me. One very good argument put forth by a friend is that this decision, in nature is like any other decision. It has the basic pros and cons common with any other decision taken. And so it cannot be taken with 100% confidence. You meet someone, you like him/her, you give it a try, and if it doesnt work later on, you move on. And if you meet someone, you cant expect them to have not fallen for anyone before yyou. And just because they tried out a relationship with someone else is not reason enough to reject that person, specially if its obvious that the two of you are compatible and clearly gel well. Okay, so he wasnt exactly that coherent or vociferous but that was pretty much the gist of what he wanted to convey. But somehow im still not convinced.
Just once id like to have this conversation who thinks along the lines that i do. But since that is impossible id settle for the next best thing. I would really like to have this conversation with someone who has not once fallen in love, or fallen for soemone. Thus far, my search has been futile. The world is changing. I dont fit in. And the way the world gets, im not so sure i want to fit in. Being rebellious, misfit and a reject is cool neway.

Framed!!!!


Ive stated before that everyone is schizophrenic at some level. Its a release, its even therapeutic. Everyone has two minds, two opinions, two sides maybe two personalities ( of course there are quite a few with no minds, several opinions, all round and no sides and no personality whatsoever)TThe implications and repercussions of this though can be quite far reaching. At first it may be attributed to general moodiness but thats how it is.Ruing is futile...its all in balancing moods. ang gauging. Music and movie preferences are good guages as are books. Its important for a person to be able to correctly judge ones own moods. Its very important and not as easy as it sounds. What we feel like doing, what we feel like eating or watching or listening makes for a pretty effective mood meter. Trick is to know how to read it. If you are feeling crabby and irritable it is best to avoid company if you are the type who hates confrontations and unpleasantness.

Frames of mind cant be controlled but they can be alloted time slots. Or at least one can try. Be crabby in the morning, be a peoples person in the evening, be a recluse during the day and be thoughtful and introspective at night.
Moods have a strange way of affecting our decision. So we must stick to our moods with convictions. Because once we change our mood, we immediately regret the impulsive heat of the moment decisions we make in our previous frame of mind. Its quite similar to regretting saying something in the heat of an argument and later reviewing the conversation in a calmer frame of mind. Personally i think it would be cool if one could stay angry and irritated all the while. It gives ones attitude a sort of edge...its cool in its own nasty way. And of course even in anger one must mind the thin line between speaking the truth and speaking ones mind.

Controlling rage is also not the answer. Justifying its is better so that we are not left with guilt pangs. Righteous anger and indignation should not be repressed unnecessarily. The least that can be done is make it obvious with your attitude that you are displeased. Besides forgetting is not all that easy. The subconcious remembers. Its happened to most of us. We wake up in the morning feeling vaguely displeased and off coloured without quite knowing why. The mind may forget the cause of the distress but the distress is there as a constant reminder. Which is why closure is so essential. Life has several ways of complicating itself. We dont need to go out of the way to increase its complexity. In the end one must decide between latching onto a weak relation to avoid confrontation and facing continous grief and frustration albeit in minor doses or just having one big confrontation and putting the situation behind you.

Thwip, Thwack, Whiz...Here's Spidey!!!!

First off, i must say the indian dubbing industry needs a serious revamp. Why literally translate puns into meaningless hindi sentences. Why cant they be substituted with some minor hindi witticism? Why do the same substandard voice artists handle all the movies. And when it comes to pronouncing english words they are simply atrocious. They choose which words to translate and which to leave it in the original language on whims. Every movie from a fantasy action adventure to a war drama is turned into a comedy. If i want real laughs next time ill see a hollywood flick dubbed in bhojpuri....yes, thats the latest language to enter the dubbing fray. And while we are at revamping why not replace the background english score with the nasal tones of Himesh Reshamaiyya?

Now you are probably wondering why the f**k would i bother to watch it in hindi in the first place. Thats because i live in a bloody village. Yes thats what this is. The capital of Madhya Pradesh, Bhopal is nothing more than a glorified village. Mob mentality prevails and the local motto is, lets follow the crowd. Nothing is done in moderation and every trend is taken beyond its limit. And yet, we dont have multiplexes, decent malls, or movies being released in english. Right now the youth is hooked on hookah and rock. You have crappy rock bands cropping up all over the place like unwanted weeds and not one of them plays decently. Not a single original song to their name. And hookah...dont get me started on it.Spending time and money billowing sea like fumes of fruit and peppermint flavoured smoke.

Why this outburst you ask? Well its mostly because once again i was forced to watch a blockbuster Hollywood flick dubbed in mediocre, shabby, low grade Sanskritised Hindi. The flick in question this time being Spiderman 3.

Yep, our favorite webslinger returns for the third and (at least for a while) final installment of the hit franchise. The first words to come to mind are Wasted Potential. Fighting inner darkness and three supercool villains is something that should be a recepie for some great emotional moments and out of this world action sequences. The emotional moments are there but somehow they feel disjointed, even funny at times (okay at most times) when watched in Hindi. The action sequences thought stunning and mind blowing are few and far between. Worst of all, black spidey doesnt get as much screen space as one wouldve wished for which is a pity since the cool costume and attitude change make for an interesting interlude.

This is quite similar to a hindi movie actually. Frustrated love, anguished hearts, emotions bubbling under the surface. But there the similarity ends. Im not going to insult the movie by making further comparisions with your average hindi film. The fight sequences are breathtaking especially the first fight between the Hobgoblin and Peter Parker. These are the benefits of reading my reviews. Being a comic fan i can tell you that Harry Osborn is the HOBGOBLIN thought nowhere in the movie is this mentioned.

Oh, and by the by the soundtrack is also quite good though it remains to be seen if it can parallel that of Spiderman 2.

Flags, Frags and Fags


Oh the furore over the national anthem and flag cake fiasco. Other countries put their flags everywhere from t shirts to bandanas to bags to underwear. But the country symbolised by the flag is doing extremely well. They too are proud of their flags, their national symbols and their country. And that pride is justified. They belong to a country worth being proud of.

Here they have movies with people bleeding dry to uphold the flag. The anthem is sung lustily. They stand solemnly while it plays. And they have false pride in their national symbols. Pride that is not justified. The country may go to the dogs but MERE JHANDOO DOSTON JHANDAA OONCHAA RAHE HAMAARAA. Sometimes i wonder if patriotism, blind fanatical patriotism is even a virtue.

Confluence of culture is what our country was all about. I distintly remember a line from my history text book (no mean feat that given my less than flattering academic record) - our country is a melting pot of cultures. And now, even intercaste marriages are banned. In fact they are vehemently opposed. Freedom and constitutional rights are being curbed by LTOs (local terrorist organisations as i like to refer to some of the "political" parties). All foreign influences, all western influences are stopped. I agree some of their customs are not good. But its in our nature to absorb and adopt culture. Is culture only to be absorbed if thrust upon us by conquering armies? These LTOs, who pretend to be anti western and try to curb foreign influence themselves send their children to convent schools.

But to get back to the marriages a bit. It should be one of the most pleasing things in the world. And in todays date, when people hardly think about where they come from and what background they belong to. It is only natural for two people to fall for each other (notice how i never say fall in love? - yeah, still dont believe in it.} Who is everyone else to give their opinion. Everyone has to inererfere. I for one cant understand why its even an issue. And thats not all. Look what happens to their supporters. When Star News tried to interview them, they had their offices vandalised by goons. I think these are useless, worthless dejected youths who have no job, no careeer, no future and nothing to do. They hang around some shady place sipping tea or Local Liquor and with a single call they mobilise themselves, hockey sticks, bats, crowbars et al.

This is what one of the goons said...I would be happy if more Hindu girls married Muslim boys and converted them to Hinduism. This from a guy who urges his goons to beat up innocent Catholic missionaries who try to raise the standard of living of tribals and backwards living in squalor and depravity. These are people hell bent on establishing a totalitarian regime. Secularity and democracy, two pillars of the foundation of this country be damned. But every symbol of the country is to be fiercely and loyally protected. And any reason to create a mountain out of a molehill is jumped upon with vicious, malicious glee.

Moral of the story...since there is nothing left of the country, at least nothing of what it is purported to be, might as well continue worshipping the hollow symbols since they are the only relics left of what once was, or according to some, what was promised but never really existed.

Quaking News




What has become of the media. I was lamenting this very fact when i happened to come across an article by Barkha Dutt on this very topic. Barkha Dutt and Sagarika Ghose are two among a handful of women who actually command my respect (no mean feat that!!!). I may frequently disagree with their views but they have my respect. Shobha De on the other hand is just pretentious(shes one of those who give different answers just to be a class apart. She comes across as one who deliberately tries to be different just for the heck of it. Her choices are
absurd and the cover of her pretetiousness is pretty flimsy. Pathetic.) Barkha Dutt was venting her fury about coming across the Aby-Ash wedding on every channel. Ironically the paper in which the editorial appeared was carrying out a two page coverage of the wedding including the front page.

But she is right about one thing..the media has turned into a circus. With a straight face, without a hint of parody or the sense of barely controlled laughter, they run the gamut at every designers place. And its exclusive footage when one channel obtains the permission to interview the aunt of the wife of the person who washed the utensils at the wedding bash. To quote the immortal Bertie Wooster (and thereby the incomparable P.G. Wodehouse) I mean to say What eh? Not a hint of amusement on their faces. The earnestness of their expressions would put seasoned
veterans like Arshad Warsi or those guys from the Comedy Show...hell even ppl like Jim Carrey and Drew Carey to shame. They solemnly go about acting as if they have been entrusted with the most important task of them all.

The Virginia Tech massacre was an opportunity to expose the flaws in the American system. Show the world that they are not as flawless and efficient as wed like to think. It was an opportunity to expose the big American Idiot. But that news was relegated to a side show item. 160 killed in suicide bombings in Baghdad in a single day. So what else is new? That only merits a two line afterthought mention in the side column. Cuz what we really wanna know is who designed Amitabhs sherwani. People are busy with other important news. Did SRK make it to the
big bash? Why was he not invited.

And then there are our glorious cricketers. Winning or losing. Praising them or panning them. They have to make the front page. Being an ardent supporter of New Zealand and South Africa myself (Traitor!! Blashphemy!! I can hear the shouts) I for one do not see what the fuss is all about. Like every other system in our country the proccess of selection and playing is flawed. Its as simple as that. I dont think it merits a daily discussion and analysis with a panel of "Experts" on every damn channel. Every player, every technique, every single ball and every
single shot analysed and split finer than greased straws.

Every single detail is now breaking news. Sachin Tendulkar having leg cramps is breaking news. An A list wedding guest list made public is breaking news. Over 150 deaths in a foreign country (specially middle east and gulf countries) is relegated to other news. And the sad fact is, that acutally works. That acutally gets them TRP's. Because while we, a handful of educated people debate this absurdity on behalf of the media, while we lampoon someone like Himesh Reshammaiya, there are a majority of Indians who actually live for this stuff. They are the ones
who never put much stock by education. They are the ones who will agree with whatever is convinient. They are the ones who will never come across blogs like this. MAny educated ones are also among these masses. For these people, newpaper consists of page 3 society spice and the sports section. (For me it is the funnies....Calvin & Hobbes, Dennis are to die for). It all comes down to what i keep saying. Lmost bad situations are part of a weird circle. People like this kind of thing and so the media supplies it in dollops. And everyone educated enough to
offer an opinion or voice his thoughts is against such things. Which is why there should be two kinds of newspapers. every network should have two channels. One for serious people like us, who write stuff like this and read stuff like this (by this i mean things like this blog, though much classier than my pathetic effort.) and one for those who have no spice in their lives and live only for masala and love nothing more than gossip and have an unnatural interest in the lives of others.
But english newspapers should be above this crap....Ironically articles lampooning the exact state that i am talking about come in the third or fourth page...the front page covers the masala... We grow smaller in our selves as the world grows smaller becoming a global village.

Fashion Charade

Pink is the new Black proclaims one designer proudly. And all i can do is stare open mouthed and shake my head. I am speechless. The only speech i am capable of are monosyllablic and bisyllablic profanites and with dad in the earshot, uttering those are out of the question. Even so, i barely restrain my baser self from baring his true emotions. Who are these people and what do they think of themselves. The women are weird and pretentious and the men hardly look like men. They act and talk like fems and fags. Lets face it. Pink is for girls and gays (fine call me old fashioned...at least its fashioned....the new fashion is hardly fashion). Whoever thinks it can replace grey and black belongs in some kind of a mental asylum.
We all have by now heard of the massive tragedy that took place in Virginia Tech. Disturbed teenager goes on a killing spree spraying people with bullets. Well, these disturbed half men and women go about bombarding our visual senses with obnoxious patterns and garish colour combinations. But whats worse is, people love them and they make front page. What is this obsession with fashion designers. They look like colorblind ataxic imbeciles for most parts. And they presume to dictate and impose on us...Shades of hitler neone?
I for one am perinnealy dressed in shades of grey, dark grey, red and black. Imagine me running around in pink t shirts just cuz its the new black!!! Or better yet, imagine the next batman movie with poor Christian Bale swaggering around in Pink latex. Yeah that will throw the baddies off balance...with laughter. Aything new and out of the box is immediately hailed. Are we so starved for change? Lest we forget, the last time a society opted for a change, WWII happened. This time round its the Fashionists and not the Fascists that are in the fray.
But seriously, think about it. Everything that is unconventional is declared a hit. Resorting to obnoxiousness to stand out is simply pathetic. Its like people deliberately trying to be different, giving different answers in a bid to stand out and be recongnised. If everyone takes the high road, they take the low road. But this craving to be different, to be recognised is in everyone. And the craving to have something different is also a problem with everyone. Stupidity is now a valuable commodity with plenty of supply and even more demand.
But i am starting to digress. The topic is fashion trends. For girls, the jeans get lower and the tops keep creeping up the torso. And hey, im all for it but it doesnt stop there. Guys are into it now too. Low waist jeans and short t shirts. I mean to say...Hello? Next time you check your wardrobe for something to wear give it a thorough search. Maybe youll find your balls in there somewhere too. Three fourths/capris that dont go all the way down and end at the awkward shin area are all the rage. Somehow all they remind me of are street sweepers, with their trouser legs rolled up going at it with this big ass broom, kicking up more dust than removing it.
Designers move around accusing each other of plagiarism. Absurdity is one charge that they are all guilty of and no one thinks of sticking that charge to them. They are turning our movie heroes into barbies. The term metrosexual is just an excuse to make them wear pink and skyblue shirts. If the divide and rule policy is still anything to go by, the only way normal people can rule is by pitting our two greatest enemies, fashion designers and extremist groups against each other. Just accuse the former of using corrupting western influence (though heaven knows they can corrupt all on their own without any external help whatsoever) and the let the extremists take care of the rest.

Deconstructive Creativity

Okay, remember what i said bout Khalid Mohamed?? Hes more interested in rhyming and coming up with now not so funny witticisms that he forgets his main objective. Either that or hes become too political and has decided to support only a few filmmakers and actors. All he doles out are one and two stars. At the end of the review, people are still confused as to whether to watch the movie or not. Nothing is good enough for him. All he sees are flaws and defects. Maybe finally, after all these years of movie watching, movies have started to look like a job to him. He probably doesnt enjoy them anymore and only watches them because he has too. Lest he forget, someone better remind him that his main job is to tell the people whether they will enjoy a movie or not. Hes not being paid to whine about how he felt the movie is, no one cares about what he likes or dislikes.
As for the Hollywood reviewers in India, initially they thought that every foreign movie deserved at least three stars. Now, they are beginning to believe that panning something foreign and exotic is oh so cool cuz everyone is simply blown away by them, so even the best of efforts only get two and a half or three stars. Again, they are here to tell people whether they will get their moneys worth and have a good two hours or not. Also i think every movie should be categoriezed according to a few varities of people that exist. Cuz lets face it, not everyone is ecclectic enought to enjoy everything.
I have noticed this tendency in many professions. People tend to get overcreative. They let their quest for creativity overtake practicality. They lose sight of their main target and put everything into making the package look pretty. Its like a cheap porno novel with a leatherbound cover or a movie with all jazzy zoom ins and special effects but no storyline (no quest no war no nothing). Presentation certainly counts but what is being presented is still infinitely more important.
A different variety of this disease is when people tend to tinker with stuff. Just to give their creative input or get the feeling of involvement, they will force their inputs or ideas into the fray. They may turn coriander soup into horseshit but their cup runneth over with joy and satisfaction......and horseshit of course.
No cure for that except to overplay what litte contribution they are allowed to make safely. Just make them feel wanted and satisfy their creative needs and they are as happy as a child whose build his own model helicopter.....never mind that the rotors on the back instead of the top.
Moral of the story is...no one does it the old fashioned way anymore. No one gives it to us straight out without any frills or bullcrap. They like to confuse us with their pretentious phrases and big words.