Alone in the Dark......You See the Light


Lonliness is an art. The art of being a loner is a very tough one. It may sound cool being a loner and rebel but it is very difficult and very dangerous. Striking the right balance between privacy and complete seclusion can be dicey for certain people. Private moments are needed to collect your thoughts, let of steam and unleash whatever is being withheld inside. Lack of it can lead to irritability and bouts of bad mood which can be directed at anyone near you without reason and discrimination. Everything irritates and small minor flaws become gaping, glaring
defects.

Not everyone can handle being alone and neither should they try. Also some people forced to share company are actually better off alone. If you have a ceaselessly working mind then you can give it a shot. I used to find it a curse, at times i still do. I never can stop thinking, and just give things a rest. Relaxing is somehow out of the question. Even when i am apparently relaxing, there are thoughts running constantly running through my mind, each fighting for
attention. (so can you blame me if for my poor academic performances?). Watching movies, listening to music or reading books doesnt give respite. Instead, they give rise to millions of new thoughts, disjointed, vague, useless and incoherent thoughts hitting my mind by the droves.

Problmes arise when you start craving for company only to realise later that you were better off alone. For me, time among others is a time to observe, imbibe and learn. I constantly guage moods, capture moments and observe quirks, trends, habits and tendencies. Time alone is spent analysing these little figments of observation. These are mostly what i base my writings upon. I can get very irritable when this schedule is disturbed, and it quite often is. I am a moody person, and freaks like me generally are. When i feel like being left alone, i detest intrusions
of privacy. I get irked easily, temper rises quicker than normal (and in my case, even normal is quite mercurial, so you can only imagine my anger in a pressure cooker situation). Also for some stupid reason, i dont casually swear which one has to realise is quite a potent stressbuster.

It is in lonliness that your thoughts dwell. That is also a very dangerous thing. If you are not in control of yourself, and lets face it we are no zen monks or buddhists as to be so masterful, you will vaccilate. We change our minds a thousand different times in the space of a little while. What will be the end decision is anyones guess. We have all probably heard of that professorial anecdote about holding a glass of water long enought to make your arms ache. No work is being done claims the professor but still we feel tired. He then goes on to philosophise using a comparision between this pointless act and letting thoughts dwell long enough in our mind. But i say that it is important to let them dwell. Only when they dwell long enough do we begin to see the negative aspects of things. The darker side is only then visible.
And while most people want to stay positive, smiling chirpy happy go lucky sorts, things dont work that way. Being an optimistic, positive fool is only ignoring things. The bad sides, the countless things that could go wrong, the millions of negative aspects have to be examined and considered.

It is how you handle things from thereon, what paths you choose after realisation dawns upon you that matters. You will have to face tough facts and consequentially make some tough decisions. If you take the easy road inspite of the cold hard facts dawning upon you, then you are just avoiding confrontation. And in you desperation to avoid it, you might end up ruining some other aspect of your life. Bcuz lets face it, only so many things can occupy the surface conciousness that is you mind at a given time.

Forced in the company of your own shadow you will learn to appreciate yourself. And not in the ego inflating, self righteous, pompous sort of way but in a coarse, rugged finer aspects sort of way.