Idealistically Really Pessimistic Cynicism


For a pessimist and a realist i sometimes find myself being too much of an idealist and end up being way too disappointed. I expect not to be btched about. I expect people to behave the same way behind my back as they do to my face. I expect them to behave like i do.

I expect a rational, clean world. I loathe politics. And i end up being born in a world where backbiting and bitching abounds and political gimmicks are the only way to get by - national politics, inter departmental politics, students vs faculty politics, inter class politics, gender politics, even sexual politics. Theyre like childish games....only theyre much more illogical and way more dangerous with loads more at stake.

If your outlook is like that of a duelist, you expect your opponent to let the count down finish before turning and firing. You dont march up expecting him to break rules and turn and fire any moment. But today, thats what happens.

If someone helps you, its usually just enough to keep you as an acquaintance so that you can be fed for future milking or to put it more morosely, to fatten you up for future slaughter. Study time and most try to stall you when asked for help. Its even understandable when you give competetive exams but for a class exam or test, isnt it possible for everyone to pass?

Every relationship is based on need and as such we are all calculative by nature. But the world today is more about materialisation. And this fact is now mirrored in every aspect of our life like a Klaxon call taken up by a Viking (or is it Scottish - what is a klaxon anyway?) warrior. People befriend you for materialistic requirements. And that is not only unnerving but extremely insulting and demeaning. Emotional dependence is also a need. Some, althought very few today, might say its a greater need than materialsitic needs. But you dont mind that. Its always flattering when someone falters and has to lean on you. It gives you a feeling of pride and your mind exults when someone gets emotionally dependent on you. Probably because its something that you can give while the material needs you satisfy is mostly, usually all due to BAAP KA PAISA.