Lots of Smoke, Sufficient Fire: a 300 Review
Okay, so its not a good time for the Greek Empire. They are no longer the united Greeks that stormed the shores of Troy with legends like Achilles, Ajax, Oddesieus to bolster their rank - heroes who singlehandedly won battles. So now we have a more divided Greece, with an uneasy truce between them. We have the working class Akkadians, The philosophic and learned Athenians, and a few more including one beginning with an s that harbored a Jew/Sindhi like breed that i dont remember and isnt relevant. But our story revolves around the Spartans. Meagre in every aspect (most noticably their clothing) - hence the term spartan - but bloodthirsty. War is their trade and oh how joyously do they ply it. Spears and sheilds and swords. Guts and Gore and Blood and finally Glory.
A progressionist and broad minded king rules over Sparta. I mean he starts battle training his son at age 8 or so, thinks saying goodbye is weak and breaks all kinds of diplomatic laws by massacring messengers, but as Spartans go, he is forward minded. He sets out to defend Sparta against the invading Persian empire (1000 nations of the Persian empire no less!!!). But a few priests, mediums to the old gods, who look like albinos with Rodent Ulcer have to play spoilsport. They communicate with gods while drooling over bare breasted women (If all communion were such, we would be a more religous generation). Any way, in league with the bad guys, they decree that Sparta cannot go to war. So the king decides to take a stroll to collect his thoughts. And if he has his royal guard of 300 to accompany, so what? And if his strolls take him throught a narrow pass ideal to make a stand against the invading Persians, so what?
The Spartan 300 joined half heartedly by a few Akkadians fight tremenous, over the top odds, as Persia is joined by kingdoms from Asia (and everyone looks most decidedly African) . Fantastic (and i dont mean great, i mean from Fantasy) creatures, Elephants, monsters and even a Cyborg (!!!???) are visible. The immortal Persian army, which is elite (look like ferocious versions of the aforementioned priests) is quite okay.
Most of the great visuals are shown in the trailers. There is little more. But to see them on a giant screen is indeed a visual treat. Dont go in expecting a historically accurate, soberly portrayed histodocumentary. This is over the top of mindless violence people, vintage Frank Miller stuff. Xerxes, the Persian baddie looks like he wanted to be an Indian Princess but decided to become the Kings of Kings after all and suffered from Acromegaly in the proccess.
Gerard Butler does what hes supposed to do.....look majestic and ferocious and use his voice. Incidentally Spartans didnt believe in armor, so its just capes (in a battle?) and jockstraps....yep, a visual treat for gals and homosexuals as well.
Mindless gore, blood flowing like wine in a brothel, some amazing visual effects and a few babes thrown in....whats not to like.
Okay, so its not a good time for the Greek Empire. They are no longer the united Greeks that stormed the shores of Troy with legends like Achilles, Ajax, Oddesieus to bolster their rank - heroes who singlehandedly won battles. So now we have a more divided Greece, with an uneasy truce between them. We have the working class Akkadians, The philosophic and learned Athenians, and a few more including one beginning with an s that harbored a Jew/Sindhi like breed that i dont remember and isnt relevant. But our story revolves around the Spartans. Meagre in every aspect (most noticably their clothing) - hence the term spartan - but bloodthirsty. War is their trade and oh how joyously do they ply it. Spears and sheilds and swords. Guts and Gore and Blood and finally Glory.
A progressionist and broad minded king rules over Sparta. I mean he starts battle training his son at age 8 or so, thinks saying goodbye is weak and breaks all kinds of diplomatic laws by massacring messengers, but as Spartans go, he is forward minded. He sets out to defend Sparta against the invading Persian empire (1000 nations of the Persian empire no less!!!). But a few priests, mediums to the old gods, who look like albinos with Rodent Ulcer have to play spoilsport. They communicate with gods while drooling over bare breasted women (If all communion were such, we would be a more religous generation). Any way, in league with the bad guys, they decree that Sparta cannot go to war. So the king decides to take a stroll to collect his thoughts. And if he has his royal guard of 300 to accompany, so what? And if his strolls take him throught a narrow pass ideal to make a stand against the invading Persians, so what?
The Spartan 300 joined half heartedly by a few Akkadians fight tremenous, over the top odds, as Persia is joined by kingdoms from Asia (and everyone looks most decidedly African) . Fantastic (and i dont mean great, i mean from Fantasy) creatures, Elephants, monsters and even a Cyborg (!!!???) are visible. The immortal Persian army, which is elite (look like ferocious versions of the aforementioned priests) is quite okay.
Most of the great visuals are shown in the trailers. There is little more. But to see them on a giant screen is indeed a visual treat. Dont go in expecting a historically accurate, soberly portrayed histodocumentary. This is over the top of mindless violence people, vintage Frank Miller stuff. Xerxes, the Persian baddie looks like he wanted to be an Indian Princess but decided to become the Kings of Kings after all and suffered from Acromegaly in the proccess.
Gerard Butler does what hes supposed to do.....look majestic and ferocious and use his voice. Incidentally Spartans didnt believe in armor, so its just capes (in a battle?) and jockstraps....yep, a visual treat for gals and homosexuals as well.
Mindless gore, blood flowing like wine in a brothel, some amazing visual effects and a few babes thrown in....whats not to like.
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