Calling All Callaholics



There is a new communicable disease on the horizon. Spreading rapidly and increasing exponentially, it is an all encompassing disease, pervading all aspects of society without discrimination. I am referring to the disease of communication. Confused? As always, I shall elucidate. Notice how everyone these days likes to spend hours on the phone? Thanks to lower STD rates, free STD calls within the same service provider network, lesser roaming charges etc. lovers spend more and more time on the cellphone. And its not just lovers. Even in arranged marriages, couples are adamant in their desire in falling in love first. And so they spend hours on the phone gabbing their way to posterity, yakking nineteen to the dozen. Strangely out of some mesmerising compulsion its the guy who calls up but spends the entire conversation in a dreary desolate look hoping to goodness for the conversation to end. And the girl spends the entire conversation huddled up in a corner, coyly whispering (albeit whispering nineteen to the dozen) and giggling. And this disease spreads in a communicable fashion. People seem to take this in a very competitive spirit. Everyone trying to outdo the other in who can spend the longest time huddled away in a corner conversing in hushed tones, boring the poor fiance to death. Guys strangely enough love to chat as long as they are talking to their girlfriends. But as soon as the girlfriends turn to fiances or wives to be (or going more by the modern trend, when the girlfriends are discarded for fiances) they take on a gloomy demeanour.

At this rate, the couple will end up exhausting all topics for conversation. In the quest for knowing every possible thing about their spouses to be they will drain every ounce of excitement before marriage. There will be no mystery and romance left for after marriage. I mean, they have the rest of their lives left to spend together (unless they are fond of the hollywood trend of discarding and getting a new one). Why not leave some enigma or puzzle to be solved after marriage.

If not, a typical conjugal night conversation will appear something like this:
So, whats new?
Not much, whats new with you?
Same old.
I love you.
I know, you've told me.
Umm....(pregnant silence)
so....(and here, mark you, they won't be able to even bitch about their near friends and distant relatives, cuz they've already done that on the phone.)
Wanna open the gifts?
You know what so and so must have given us.
Well, G'nite then.
G'nite. (the mood ruined, they won't even be able to do the customary thing, generally done on these nights)




Speaking of conjugal night...How many Indians spend their conjugal nights only sleeping. Yeah, this is the question asked by Salman Khan in the new programme Dus ka Dum, of course shamelessly copied from the original The Power of Ten. Funny how no one seems to mind plagiarism in telivision as much as they do in films. Also if they are plagiarising, why not use it to improve the quality of our soaps, or even better, abolish them altogether or condemn them
to the evening slot. Or improve the quality of humour, sound effects, plot outline and storyline of our sitcoms. But let us not get sidetracked. What I want to say is Salman has brought his charismatic charm and I think its going to be a fun show. Yes, you pretentious snobs, i like Mr. Khan. Yes, I watch gaudy slapstick comedies and i adore mindless action films. I like hindi music and revel in frivolity. You gotta problem with that?