Job Hunting



Mock Resume: Dear Editor,

This is in reference to your advertisment citing a dearth of personnel for your daily newspaper. I wish to apply for a post in your staff. Following paragraph describes what my job should entail and my qualifications for each.

I would like to join your team as a reviewer. I would start of the week by reviewing the latest gadgets, move on to the latest hotspots, coffee shops or eateries in the city. By midweek, i would be reviewing the latest XBoX 360, PS3 and computer games for your valued readers. I would welcome the approaching weekend by reviewing some international music. Come weekend and i would busy myself reviewing the latest Hindi and English (yes, both languages by same person.....i know what yo're thinking....what a moneysaver!!!!!) movies for your weekend suppliment.

I have had more than 10 years of work experience. I am a huge foodie and enjoy all kinds of delicious foods. I am also a non-vegetarian and hence can cover a broad spectrum of buffets. I have been watching over one movie per day for the past two years. I am a hard core game enthusiast and specialise in action and racing games. I listen to music 10 hours a day and
can tolerate everything from bethoven to Drowning Pool, from AR Rehman to Poison, U@, Coldplay...you name it. I would also consent to leave home once every month to review an exotic localed holiday spot for the travel column in your paper.

I promise to be a thouroughly dedicated, hard working employee never taking breaks and working 24/7. I shall strive to be worthy of my job and flit from movies to dinners to playing games and listening to music hours at a time before hopping from holiday spot to holiday spot, never demanding a break or an off day.

Now Thats What I Want/ Happy 2008



At some level, conciously or subconciously we all care what others think. There is something or the other about us that we want others to know. Shakespeare did say the world is a stage and no one likes to play his part really well unless he has an audience.

Sometimes we just want to achieve something just to be in a position to discard it. We like to be in a position of power just to show that we would not misuse it when we have the opportunity to. Some people just want to be good looking once to show others that it does not make them vain. The list is endless.
Sometimes its just to prove it to ourselves that yes we can have it. Then when we are in a position to attain it, we will discard it. What we actually end up doing is something few know because it will be a rare situation where we end up getting what we want.

At other times its not just to prove it to others. Its to prove it to ourselves as well. This is where zen philosophy comes in handy. Do only what matters to you. Dont think about others and definitely dont think about what you think others think about you...too confusing?? I know. Proving things takes a lot of time...just like the theorems in high school. Ultimately the thing that you desire, or in most cases "She", is never really worth it. When you set out to
prove it to them, you end up magnifying the value of the object of your desire. And you always end up regeretting it, no matter what.

So think zen and stop making someone else the lead character in your story. Its your life, live it Shahrukh Khan large. And have a Rollickin, rockin, ravin, mad crazy NEW YEAR!!!! See ya next yr guys... i know i didnt post much these past few months, got my final yr xams comin up and all, but will post some reviews this time round and some light stuff....not that you (whoever
that may be) cares really!!!! Well, Happy 2008

Of Leashes and Power Couplings


Couples are always difficult to handle. Its like handling an unstable molecule instead of stable free atoms. Together these atoms end up forming a dangerous compound more often than not. Most of the couples go and behave like couples everywhere. That is always difficult. The probably of liking a person is always 50%. But in a couple you have to calculate the probablility of liking
two persons. So the chances are always reduced.

I admire people who do not go proclaiming their commitment status everywhere they go. They are easier to like. It also means they share a healthy free relationship with their partners. There is a sense of balance and trust. They have their better halves but they dont let their lives go spiralling out of control stuck on their leash. They dont turn their partners into a
black hole that sucks their own life like a vortex.

Also girls are really wily in this regard. They usually let nothing affect their private life. They still hang out with their friends, have their fun and pretty much continue with the same lifestyle that they had. They string their guys along on a leash.

Its the poor guy who ends up getting cut off from his friends. He loses touch with his older life. He ends up making all sorts of compromises (guys, raise this point next time ur girl cribs or bitches about making compromises and sacrifices). He ends up in a no mans land and then God help the guy who gets dumped in such a situation. He ends up having nowhere left to go. He will
yearn for his old life back but too late.

Having your own space and privacy in any situation is very important. So it only becomes more important in such circumstances. Prioritize and organise your time and relationships. Never lose sight of who you are and always analyse what you are becoming. Being a twosome can get quite lonesome. And after a while it gets tiresome. Always retain your individual value....just
in case u decide to get back into circulation!!!
Its not always a case of you complete me like Tom Cruise said it in Jerry Maguire...sometimes its ...You eat me up and leave me dead inside!!!!!

Idealistically Really Pessimistic Cynicism


For a pessimist and a realist i sometimes find myself being too much of an idealist and end up being way too disappointed. I expect not to be btched about. I expect people to behave the same way behind my back as they do to my face. I expect them to behave like i do.

I expect a rational, clean world. I loathe politics. And i end up being born in a world where backbiting and bitching abounds and political gimmicks are the only way to get by - national politics, inter departmental politics, students vs faculty politics, inter class politics, gender politics, even sexual politics. Theyre like childish games....only theyre much more illogical and way more dangerous with loads more at stake.

If your outlook is like that of a duelist, you expect your opponent to let the count down finish before turning and firing. You dont march up expecting him to break rules and turn and fire any moment. But today, thats what happens.

If someone helps you, its usually just enough to keep you as an acquaintance so that you can be fed for future milking or to put it more morosely, to fatten you up for future slaughter. Study time and most try to stall you when asked for help. Its even understandable when you give competetive exams but for a class exam or test, isnt it possible for everyone to pass?

Every relationship is based on need and as such we are all calculative by nature. But the world today is more about materialisation. And this fact is now mirrored in every aspect of our life like a Klaxon call taken up by a Viking (or is it Scottish - what is a klaxon anyway?) warrior. People befriend you for materialistic requirements. And that is not only unnerving but extremely insulting and demeaning. Emotional dependence is also a need. Some, althought very few today, might say its a greater need than materialsitic needs. But you dont mind that. Its always flattering when someone falters and has to lean on you. It gives you a feeling of pride and your mind exults when someone gets emotionally dependent on you. Probably because its something that you can give while the material needs you satisfy is mostly, usually all due to BAAP KA PAISA.

Well Its NEWS To Me!!!!!!



Whats journalism coming to these days? And most interestingly its the lighter pieces that im talking about. Most of the females out there, well they cant do lighter columns. Nine out of ten chick columns deal with their experience on Orkut, Facebook, Myspace etc. You cant handle it ...we get it!!! Now can we get to read bout something else?

Seema Goswami wrote an article attacking T-Shirt with messages. Well just cuz she cant pull it off doesnt mean we cant. They might be crude, some might be full of innuendos but to each his own.
And most of the females out there are just writing about their browsing experiences. News flash!! save it for your autobiography ladies. We're strictly not interested. We dont care if you get hit on online or are the heroine of a chatroom. We've been there, done that.

Inadequate knowledge in a journo is the worst form of sacrilege there is. There was this girl comparing ideal men and she chose in her own words "Hector over the VAIN Achilles". She probably just saw Troy and thought shed recieved her PhD in Greek history and mythology. She probably didnt know about Achilles loyalty and bravery or how Hector in fact actually tried to run when Achilles challanged him to a duel before being caught by him.

Also featuring in my hatelist is this guy who had a nametag for every kind of SMSer. He panned the ones forwarding lewd jokes, poohpooed the sentimental joke forwarders and had a lot of hate to give to ones sending mssgs with abbreviations. Probably didnt know the meaning of the term SMS. Also i believe hes a sad sorry loser who hasnt got the hang of text messaging and noone sends him messages. Well, vent ur frustration in a blog mister, not in a national newspaper.

Then there are the TV news crews. One minor sting operation starts of a Mexican wave with other channels. Or one discovery of injustice or specific crime perpetration leads to unearthing of an entire stockload of similar crimes by all channels. You might be forgiven for thnking its a part of a nationwide conspiracy.....to make us switch off our TV sets. And our national newschannels proudly stand by their names. NATIONAL!!!! Not a word of the outside world. No concern of our neighbouring countries, forget other continents. You might think we are America or something.

So when we run out of national news, the words Breaking News dont flicker off and die. Instead, any recent happening apparently fits the billing. So the announcement of a change in the twelfth man for the cricktet team line up is also breaking news.

See if they only want to concentrate on national news, i think the idea of a 24 hr. news channel is redundant. They only end up showing the repeat telecasts from the reality shows of their affiliated channels. And i know that they are called Reality shows but the china scraping drum rolls and slow-mo effects that they use give away their daily soap like falsified drama and as such i think its criminal to even consider it newsworthy.
And lets not forget the millions of hours of cricket analysis. I mean, for cripes sake, the frigggin cricket match didnt last that long. The endless praises, the mind numbing analysis and the countless interviews with the gardner of the uncle of the cousin twice removed of Yuvraj Singh's best friend. And calling Yuvraj Singh dashing and handsome???!!! Please.

Out-Standing



Being different is what i revel in. Not being taken seriously is my stealth cloak, my cloak of
invisibility. And im sure many feel the same way. But sometimes it just takes one factor to change it all -like i had occasion to observe recently in a friend of mine.Maybe the lack of appreciation gets to you. Maybethe constant jokes and lack of importance finally breaks you down. Maybe its several nods of acknowledgement that will appease you. Or may be its just one persons appreciation that makes you obfuscate betweenconventional and rebel.

What we need to understand is that rebellion is not about being cool. Its not about sporting a Che GueveraT-shirt at a nightclub, pub or a party. It is about sacrificing and understanding that you are not meant to fit in. And if viewed the right way, that can be something to be proud of.

Anything that is different stands out and anything that stands out invited critique. Mind you, if you tryto be different just for the sake of standing out, your actions will lack coherence and deep inside you realise the frivolity of your deeds.

Stubbornness, depending on your point of view can be a good or a bad quality. But i dare you to deny thefact that it is an immensely valuable quality. Your inherent INERTIA is, ironically, what DRIVES you,motivates you.

You end up sacrificing a lot. But you it should not feel like a sacrifice. If you feel like white hot rods piercing your heart everytime you miss out on something fun that everyone is involved in, you belong withthem. You arent meant to stand out - its just your fervent wish to be different that is deluding you. Thoughsometimes you do end up encountering certain factors that pull you towards the crowd. Most often though, as observed in the cases of a few of my friends, its just infatuation with a single person which can alter yourthought proccess. But trust me, its just the unattainability of it that lures you in. If ever you were to manage to get that person you would realise that it wasnt worth it at all.

Run Baby Run!!!


If one is ambitious such as me then one must not waste time pursuing frivolous human attachments. Note now that i use the word ambitious. I neither attach to this category the attributes of being successful, talented, gifted or otherwise able/capable of anything. Just a burning and yearning desire within to prove oneself to oneself and the world.

Because then this ambition makes us the participants of a race in life. Before this point we are carefree preambulators in the weekend of our life taking a refreshing constitutional. But the moment you have ambitions your Sunday ends. I matters not if you are enterprising and hardworking enough to go to work on Monday but the weekend is at an end. The Starting gun has been fired and the race has begun. And along this road all those that you meet are those who run alongside you.

Invariably in later parts of the race you will either be overtaken by them (most likely in my case) or leave them behind.

Some of them you directly compete against and you have a brush with others. But getting attached will make you set pace by them. You slow down to their level and you lose sight of your goal. That is still ok. But should they turn out to be ambitious and actually have the talent to pursue their ambitions (oh cruel world, and me a defeathered dodo among prancing peacocks!!!!) it is you who is left behind. Besides its a matter of priority. If you are here to achieve something then it doesnt do to adjust urself and your lifestyle according to your friends. In the ambitious and competetive situation that we have created around us, you can take it as a given that everyone around you is out to achieve or prove something. If you notice closely that when it comes to competition many can conviniently forget that you exist, especially when the competition is amongst you.

So being a softie and having your warm temporary Dil Chahta Hai moment is not what you should be aspiring to because the world is cruel and it doesnt pay to care more than the next person, let alone more than the next ten persons combined.

Wow!!..Thats Like....Ummm...Y'Know....So Cool!!!!!!



We live in a crowded...no let me restate that.....extremely OVERcrowded nation. We are used to company welcome or otherwise. So much so that loneliness has become a difficult and for most of us impossible option. we need to matter to other people. We need to be noticed.

And thats why most of us act cool. Being cool is a real rebel thing. Its what people are no matter what others thing. But to most of us its being perceived cool that matters. To be noticed being indifferent. Trying hard to act like you don't care so that people show you care. And that invariably leads to outrageous stunts, cry for attentions and fashion senses. Clowning around, fooling around, being the butt of jokes with a i don't give a damn attitude...all in a bid to get noticed.

Desperately attempting by-the-minute weirder stunts we are over-eager to achieve the status of cool, thereby ironically acting nething but the frigid state of passivity we strive to attain. Being hot is cool but thats beyond our control, so being cool is hot (confused are ya? well its a crazy world and this is a crazy blog).

When elements enter a cooled state (bear with me as i flaunt what little and grossly inaccurate scientific knowledge i possess) the molecules stabilize, the electrons lose their restlessness, and an ordered state is entered. In human terms it means, a trappist monk in a frozen Tibetian cave who doesn't raise and eyebrow when his long lost brother steps in with Brad Pitt in tow ------ COOL; the guy hanging outside the popular fast food joint with piercings and overlarge belts, wristbands and whatnots surrounded by guys with weird pink and lilac t-shirts with equally appalling accessories --- NOT SO MUCH.

I wonder if its really their fault. Much of the blame lies with the aforementioned wanted/unwanted company. Its mostly the often wanted company at the wrong time hence being 'unwanted company" (whatever that means i hear someone scorn??). Its their million and one reasons of why we are uncool that makes us strive to be cool. I have suffered that fate. Though i must admit with some pride (let me savor my moment. Its not often that i have something to be proud of) that i did not succumb the the Be Cool Syndrome. Friends coming over and nagging me to shave, dress better to cut my hair. You'll look better they say. Girls like clean shaves they say. Match your clothes they nag persistently.

These are the same people who spend an three hours to buy a t-shirt and a whole another day for a decent pair of jeans (I've actually seen my mother buy saris in lesser time - of course she had me to help her chose and to nag). These are the guys who use fairness creams (of three different varieties) and apply face packs, set their hair thrice in five minutes and leave with a comb jutting out of their back pockets. To these guys all id like to say is - THERE'S A FINE LINE BETWEEN BEING METROSEXUAL AND HOMOSEXUAL. AND THAT LINE MY FRIENDS IS DRAWN WITH A FAIR N LOVELY FACE CREAM.

Jhandoo Udte Rahein Hamaare


This sunday morning a friend of mine brought to my attention this well written and witty piece in the Hindustan Times Sunday supplement. Ridiculing several well noted characteristics and traits of us incorrigible Indians it enlarged upon many themes several of which i have noticed myself. For example our tendency to follow ICT instead of IST...i.e. Indian Classical Time instead of Indian Standard Time. We wake up at the time we are supposed to leave...no no, let me rectify that, our alarm rings when we are supposed to leave and then we snooze, we wake up, take our time in performing our daily toilets and ablutions and then get ready leisurely. And if you happen to reach an hour before the appointed time, you find you have pipped the host to the winning post. The host, who is supposed to kick of the procceedings must arrive within an hour and a half from the appointed time and no later.

But a few essential and less funnier points were left out and i will try to elaborate on them in the following passages. Bear with me.

Also the tendencies of Gujaratis to spread Gujarat like a lymphoma wherever they go. They not only carry their papads and achars with them but their essential Gujaratiness which is infections...and not necessarily in the good sense like laughter. Like wise the tendency of few South Indians to spread favouritism and segeragation wherever they go.

Hipocrisy is our biggest luxury and corruption is our largest commodity. Corruption sells things and gets things done. But only in India can corruption itself develop into a full fledged albeit officially unacknowleged industry. It is an essentiality and a comfort. Follow all the procedures to the T. Cross your Ts and dot your Is. But unlike older times bribery isnt just to cut the line or jump the gun. Bribery is implied in every step of the proper procedural order.

Hypocrisy. A very essential element of our culture. Diversity is a symbol of our nation. And in many senses. Diversity in our attitude and behaviour, our judgements and beliefs towards the same object or situation in differing circumstances is what is so necessary for our survival. It helps keep up the fragile facade and maintain the delicate balance between our needs and our public image.

The importance to be noticed. To be acknowledged is important. We make it a clear point to recieve no thanks for the favours done but the thanks given is naturally considered a custom a tradition like dowry or a birthday gift. The disinclination to accept it is just a ritual. If the aforementioned thanks is not prooferred even though our contribution may be insignificant even deterrent to the cause we will be so very hurt if thanks are not given. Its like a credit card swipe....one swish and the digital account is instantly changed....instant gratification.

Guys and girls acting like they are in the west. So influenced by west movies and culture yet constrained and crippled by local customs and sense of proprieties, we end up in a no mans land. And that means being deluded. Check that girl out shes looking at me. shes sending me signals. That guy is all nuts about me. Guys are desperate to have us. Girls pretend they dont care but are among the most desperate creatures, just crying out for attention and to be noticed. These and other misconceptions abound and are accepted by a misguided youth society.

We also have different perceptions of what is vulgar and unethical. Anything that goes against what has been ingrained into us from like forever is vulgar. Secretly enjoy though we may these things, our sense of decorum and decency demands that we condemn and pan these things. Music videos and raunchy ads and R rated movies. Of course belching and farting are part of the natural order as is picking our teeth with open mouthed satisfaction or picking our noses in public. No siree....it cant be classified as vulgar...just not cricket...or rather gulli dandaa. I wouldnt be surprised if Mrs. Sushma Swaraj just happened to crack her infamous whip on television channels just because she caught her husband having it off to a midnight tv show on his sofa with his belly, among other areas of his anatomy, hanging out.

Everyone has something to say. Men and Women are a bundle of needs. Indian men and women are a bundle of needs and the needs to express their opinions. Advice is always free and prooferred. Its only a while before some starch fed belching Gujarati hits upon the idea of harnessing advice as the next big moneyspinning industry. Gossiping is in the nature of people. Decorum and decency is maintained in front of our guests always. But that to is always taken literally. IN FRONT of them. Most of the time we are counting off the seconds to their departure so tongues can start wagging and opinions start being formed.

Goodness Gracious Green Balls of Fire.



Those green eyes like calm pools that contain a turbulence beneath hitherto unheard of. This is how most of my friends describe their latest passing crush. Well...more or less. That is the gist of what they imply. But as for me, this is how most often i find myself describing another green eyed creature....monster actually. To quote Shakespeare (oh that is so passe i hear someone moan?) the green eyed monster that doth mock the meat it feeds on. Or something lieketh thateth.

Jealousy is a way of showing possessiveness and affection. A little jealousy is not only ok but essential. It goes to show that you are indeed human and you care. It, rather than imitation is the best form of flattery. But only in controlled healthy doses. Jealousy outside the sphere of rhyme and reason metamorphoses into possesiveness. In love it is essential to show little signs of jealousy to prove that you still care, that they still hold some esteem in your eyes. Little shows of jealousy, showing that you are annoyed is a cool thing. Holding it in is not healthy anyway, its always good to let it out, but as always like with steam and anger, it should be done in short controlled bursts.

Jealousy because of some inherent inferiority complex or insecurities that you might have inevitably gives rise to possesiveness. Keeping tabs or being unreasonably inquisitive and suspicious can never be healthy. Even if you have to probe do it in a lightheartedly provoking manner. And then watch the eyes as they reply.

Every relationship has scope for jealousy. And every relationship is affected the same way. And everytime it arouses because you are unsure of your status, there is a real or imagined fall in your stature. And that invariably means a replacement. Being content with one lot is not in man's and certainly not in a woman's nature. Being a confidante, or a co conspirator or a platonic friend is never enough. We have to dominate every aspect of that persons life. We need to hold the most important status in every emotion and need that they might feel. Being replaced in any category can never be tolerated. The more important position you hold, the more prone to jealousy you become.

But jealousy is not entirely dependent on your status in that persons eye. Fear of being replaced is not the only fodder for that chimaeric green eyed monster. A person to whom you might hold no relevance whatsoever can just as well agitate the fragile peace of your mind. You have to carefully devaluate the person in your mind. But if its a crush you must be careful not to let others opinion devaluate him/her in your eyes. Because that never happens. Internally if not outwardly you end up defending them and espousing their causes. So much so that their esteem in your eyes actually ends up hitting the roof.