Framed!!!!


Ive stated before that everyone is schizophrenic at some level. Its a release, its even therapeutic. Everyone has two minds, two opinions, two sides maybe two personalities ( of course there are quite a few with no minds, several opinions, all round and no sides and no personality whatsoever)TThe implications and repercussions of this though can be quite far reaching. At first it may be attributed to general moodiness but thats how it is.Ruing is futile...its all in balancing moods. ang gauging. Music and movie preferences are good guages as are books. Its important for a person to be able to correctly judge ones own moods. Its very important and not as easy as it sounds. What we feel like doing, what we feel like eating or watching or listening makes for a pretty effective mood meter. Trick is to know how to read it. If you are feeling crabby and irritable it is best to avoid company if you are the type who hates confrontations and unpleasantness.

Frames of mind cant be controlled but they can be alloted time slots. Or at least one can try. Be crabby in the morning, be a peoples person in the evening, be a recluse during the day and be thoughtful and introspective at night.
Moods have a strange way of affecting our decision. So we must stick to our moods with convictions. Because once we change our mood, we immediately regret the impulsive heat of the moment decisions we make in our previous frame of mind. Its quite similar to regretting saying something in the heat of an argument and later reviewing the conversation in a calmer frame of mind. Personally i think it would be cool if one could stay angry and irritated all the while. It gives ones attitude a sort of edge...its cool in its own nasty way. And of course even in anger one must mind the thin line between speaking the truth and speaking ones mind.

Controlling rage is also not the answer. Justifying its is better so that we are not left with guilt pangs. Righteous anger and indignation should not be repressed unnecessarily. The least that can be done is make it obvious with your attitude that you are displeased. Besides forgetting is not all that easy. The subconcious remembers. Its happened to most of us. We wake up in the morning feeling vaguely displeased and off coloured without quite knowing why. The mind may forget the cause of the distress but the distress is there as a constant reminder. Which is why closure is so essential. Life has several ways of complicating itself. We dont need to go out of the way to increase its complexity. In the end one must decide between latching onto a weak relation to avoid confrontation and facing continous grief and frustration albeit in minor doses or just having one big confrontation and putting the situation behind you.

Thwip, Thwack, Whiz...Here's Spidey!!!!

First off, i must say the indian dubbing industry needs a serious revamp. Why literally translate puns into meaningless hindi sentences. Why cant they be substituted with some minor hindi witticism? Why do the same substandard voice artists handle all the movies. And when it comes to pronouncing english words they are simply atrocious. They choose which words to translate and which to leave it in the original language on whims. Every movie from a fantasy action adventure to a war drama is turned into a comedy. If i want real laughs next time ill see a hollywood flick dubbed in bhojpuri....yes, thats the latest language to enter the dubbing fray. And while we are at revamping why not replace the background english score with the nasal tones of Himesh Reshamaiyya?

Now you are probably wondering why the f**k would i bother to watch it in hindi in the first place. Thats because i live in a bloody village. Yes thats what this is. The capital of Madhya Pradesh, Bhopal is nothing more than a glorified village. Mob mentality prevails and the local motto is, lets follow the crowd. Nothing is done in moderation and every trend is taken beyond its limit. And yet, we dont have multiplexes, decent malls, or movies being released in english. Right now the youth is hooked on hookah and rock. You have crappy rock bands cropping up all over the place like unwanted weeds and not one of them plays decently. Not a single original song to their name. And hookah...dont get me started on it.Spending time and money billowing sea like fumes of fruit and peppermint flavoured smoke.

Why this outburst you ask? Well its mostly because once again i was forced to watch a blockbuster Hollywood flick dubbed in mediocre, shabby, low grade Sanskritised Hindi. The flick in question this time being Spiderman 3.

Yep, our favorite webslinger returns for the third and (at least for a while) final installment of the hit franchise. The first words to come to mind are Wasted Potential. Fighting inner darkness and three supercool villains is something that should be a recepie for some great emotional moments and out of this world action sequences. The emotional moments are there but somehow they feel disjointed, even funny at times (okay at most times) when watched in Hindi. The action sequences thought stunning and mind blowing are few and far between. Worst of all, black spidey doesnt get as much screen space as one wouldve wished for which is a pity since the cool costume and attitude change make for an interesting interlude.

This is quite similar to a hindi movie actually. Frustrated love, anguished hearts, emotions bubbling under the surface. But there the similarity ends. Im not going to insult the movie by making further comparisions with your average hindi film. The fight sequences are breathtaking especially the first fight between the Hobgoblin and Peter Parker. These are the benefits of reading my reviews. Being a comic fan i can tell you that Harry Osborn is the HOBGOBLIN thought nowhere in the movie is this mentioned.

Oh, and by the by the soundtrack is also quite good though it remains to be seen if it can parallel that of Spiderman 2.

Flags, Frags and Fags


Oh the furore over the national anthem and flag cake fiasco. Other countries put their flags everywhere from t shirts to bandanas to bags to underwear. But the country symbolised by the flag is doing extremely well. They too are proud of their flags, their national symbols and their country. And that pride is justified. They belong to a country worth being proud of.

Here they have movies with people bleeding dry to uphold the flag. The anthem is sung lustily. They stand solemnly while it plays. And they have false pride in their national symbols. Pride that is not justified. The country may go to the dogs but MERE JHANDOO DOSTON JHANDAA OONCHAA RAHE HAMAARAA. Sometimes i wonder if patriotism, blind fanatical patriotism is even a virtue.

Confluence of culture is what our country was all about. I distintly remember a line from my history text book (no mean feat that given my less than flattering academic record) - our country is a melting pot of cultures. And now, even intercaste marriages are banned. In fact they are vehemently opposed. Freedom and constitutional rights are being curbed by LTOs (local terrorist organisations as i like to refer to some of the "political" parties). All foreign influences, all western influences are stopped. I agree some of their customs are not good. But its in our nature to absorb and adopt culture. Is culture only to be absorbed if thrust upon us by conquering armies? These LTOs, who pretend to be anti western and try to curb foreign influence themselves send their children to convent schools.

But to get back to the marriages a bit. It should be one of the most pleasing things in the world. And in todays date, when people hardly think about where they come from and what background they belong to. It is only natural for two people to fall for each other (notice how i never say fall in love? - yeah, still dont believe in it.} Who is everyone else to give their opinion. Everyone has to inererfere. I for one cant understand why its even an issue. And thats not all. Look what happens to their supporters. When Star News tried to interview them, they had their offices vandalised by goons. I think these are useless, worthless dejected youths who have no job, no careeer, no future and nothing to do. They hang around some shady place sipping tea or Local Liquor and with a single call they mobilise themselves, hockey sticks, bats, crowbars et al.

This is what one of the goons said...I would be happy if more Hindu girls married Muslim boys and converted them to Hinduism. This from a guy who urges his goons to beat up innocent Catholic missionaries who try to raise the standard of living of tribals and backwards living in squalor and depravity. These are people hell bent on establishing a totalitarian regime. Secularity and democracy, two pillars of the foundation of this country be damned. But every symbol of the country is to be fiercely and loyally protected. And any reason to create a mountain out of a molehill is jumped upon with vicious, malicious glee.

Moral of the story...since there is nothing left of the country, at least nothing of what it is purported to be, might as well continue worshipping the hollow symbols since they are the only relics left of what once was, or according to some, what was promised but never really existed.

Quaking News




What has become of the media. I was lamenting this very fact when i happened to come across an article by Barkha Dutt on this very topic. Barkha Dutt and Sagarika Ghose are two among a handful of women who actually command my respect (no mean feat that!!!). I may frequently disagree with their views but they have my respect. Shobha De on the other hand is just pretentious(shes one of those who give different answers just to be a class apart. She comes across as one who deliberately tries to be different just for the heck of it. Her choices are
absurd and the cover of her pretetiousness is pretty flimsy. Pathetic.) Barkha Dutt was venting her fury about coming across the Aby-Ash wedding on every channel. Ironically the paper in which the editorial appeared was carrying out a two page coverage of the wedding including the front page.

But she is right about one thing..the media has turned into a circus. With a straight face, without a hint of parody or the sense of barely controlled laughter, they run the gamut at every designers place. And its exclusive footage when one channel obtains the permission to interview the aunt of the wife of the person who washed the utensils at the wedding bash. To quote the immortal Bertie Wooster (and thereby the incomparable P.G. Wodehouse) I mean to say What eh? Not a hint of amusement on their faces. The earnestness of their expressions would put seasoned
veterans like Arshad Warsi or those guys from the Comedy Show...hell even ppl like Jim Carrey and Drew Carey to shame. They solemnly go about acting as if they have been entrusted with the most important task of them all.

The Virginia Tech massacre was an opportunity to expose the flaws in the American system. Show the world that they are not as flawless and efficient as wed like to think. It was an opportunity to expose the big American Idiot. But that news was relegated to a side show item. 160 killed in suicide bombings in Baghdad in a single day. So what else is new? That only merits a two line afterthought mention in the side column. Cuz what we really wanna know is who designed Amitabhs sherwani. People are busy with other important news. Did SRK make it to the
big bash? Why was he not invited.

And then there are our glorious cricketers. Winning or losing. Praising them or panning them. They have to make the front page. Being an ardent supporter of New Zealand and South Africa myself (Traitor!! Blashphemy!! I can hear the shouts) I for one do not see what the fuss is all about. Like every other system in our country the proccess of selection and playing is flawed. Its as simple as that. I dont think it merits a daily discussion and analysis with a panel of "Experts" on every damn channel. Every player, every technique, every single ball and every
single shot analysed and split finer than greased straws.

Every single detail is now breaking news. Sachin Tendulkar having leg cramps is breaking news. An A list wedding guest list made public is breaking news. Over 150 deaths in a foreign country (specially middle east and gulf countries) is relegated to other news. And the sad fact is, that acutally works. That acutally gets them TRP's. Because while we, a handful of educated people debate this absurdity on behalf of the media, while we lampoon someone like Himesh Reshammaiya, there are a majority of Indians who actually live for this stuff. They are the ones
who never put much stock by education. They are the ones who will agree with whatever is convinient. They are the ones who will never come across blogs like this. MAny educated ones are also among these masses. For these people, newpaper consists of page 3 society spice and the sports section. (For me it is the funnies....Calvin & Hobbes, Dennis are to die for). It all comes down to what i keep saying. Lmost bad situations are part of a weird circle. People like this kind of thing and so the media supplies it in dollops. And everyone educated enough to
offer an opinion or voice his thoughts is against such things. Which is why there should be two kinds of newspapers. every network should have two channels. One for serious people like us, who write stuff like this and read stuff like this (by this i mean things like this blog, though much classier than my pathetic effort.) and one for those who have no spice in their lives and live only for masala and love nothing more than gossip and have an unnatural interest in the lives of others.
But english newspapers should be above this crap....Ironically articles lampooning the exact state that i am talking about come in the third or fourth page...the front page covers the masala... We grow smaller in our selves as the world grows smaller becoming a global village.

Fashion Charade

Pink is the new Black proclaims one designer proudly. And all i can do is stare open mouthed and shake my head. I am speechless. The only speech i am capable of are monosyllablic and bisyllablic profanites and with dad in the earshot, uttering those are out of the question. Even so, i barely restrain my baser self from baring his true emotions. Who are these people and what do they think of themselves. The women are weird and pretentious and the men hardly look like men. They act and talk like fems and fags. Lets face it. Pink is for girls and gays (fine call me old fashioned...at least its fashioned....the new fashion is hardly fashion). Whoever thinks it can replace grey and black belongs in some kind of a mental asylum.
We all have by now heard of the massive tragedy that took place in Virginia Tech. Disturbed teenager goes on a killing spree spraying people with bullets. Well, these disturbed half men and women go about bombarding our visual senses with obnoxious patterns and garish colour combinations. But whats worse is, people love them and they make front page. What is this obsession with fashion designers. They look like colorblind ataxic imbeciles for most parts. And they presume to dictate and impose on us...Shades of hitler neone?
I for one am perinnealy dressed in shades of grey, dark grey, red and black. Imagine me running around in pink t shirts just cuz its the new black!!! Or better yet, imagine the next batman movie with poor Christian Bale swaggering around in Pink latex. Yeah that will throw the baddies off balance...with laughter. Aything new and out of the box is immediately hailed. Are we so starved for change? Lest we forget, the last time a society opted for a change, WWII happened. This time round its the Fashionists and not the Fascists that are in the fray.
But seriously, think about it. Everything that is unconventional is declared a hit. Resorting to obnoxiousness to stand out is simply pathetic. Its like people deliberately trying to be different, giving different answers in a bid to stand out and be recongnised. If everyone takes the high road, they take the low road. But this craving to be different, to be recognised is in everyone. And the craving to have something different is also a problem with everyone. Stupidity is now a valuable commodity with plenty of supply and even more demand.
But i am starting to digress. The topic is fashion trends. For girls, the jeans get lower and the tops keep creeping up the torso. And hey, im all for it but it doesnt stop there. Guys are into it now too. Low waist jeans and short t shirts. I mean to say...Hello? Next time you check your wardrobe for something to wear give it a thorough search. Maybe youll find your balls in there somewhere too. Three fourths/capris that dont go all the way down and end at the awkward shin area are all the rage. Somehow all they remind me of are street sweepers, with their trouser legs rolled up going at it with this big ass broom, kicking up more dust than removing it.
Designers move around accusing each other of plagiarism. Absurdity is one charge that they are all guilty of and no one thinks of sticking that charge to them. They are turning our movie heroes into barbies. The term metrosexual is just an excuse to make them wear pink and skyblue shirts. If the divide and rule policy is still anything to go by, the only way normal people can rule is by pitting our two greatest enemies, fashion designers and extremist groups against each other. Just accuse the former of using corrupting western influence (though heaven knows they can corrupt all on their own without any external help whatsoever) and the let the extremists take care of the rest.

Deconstructive Creativity

Okay, remember what i said bout Khalid Mohamed?? Hes more interested in rhyming and coming up with now not so funny witticisms that he forgets his main objective. Either that or hes become too political and has decided to support only a few filmmakers and actors. All he doles out are one and two stars. At the end of the review, people are still confused as to whether to watch the movie or not. Nothing is good enough for him. All he sees are flaws and defects. Maybe finally, after all these years of movie watching, movies have started to look like a job to him. He probably doesnt enjoy them anymore and only watches them because he has too. Lest he forget, someone better remind him that his main job is to tell the people whether they will enjoy a movie or not. Hes not being paid to whine about how he felt the movie is, no one cares about what he likes or dislikes.
As for the Hollywood reviewers in India, initially they thought that every foreign movie deserved at least three stars. Now, they are beginning to believe that panning something foreign and exotic is oh so cool cuz everyone is simply blown away by them, so even the best of efforts only get two and a half or three stars. Again, they are here to tell people whether they will get their moneys worth and have a good two hours or not. Also i think every movie should be categoriezed according to a few varities of people that exist. Cuz lets face it, not everyone is ecclectic enought to enjoy everything.
I have noticed this tendency in many professions. People tend to get overcreative. They let their quest for creativity overtake practicality. They lose sight of their main target and put everything into making the package look pretty. Its like a cheap porno novel with a leatherbound cover or a movie with all jazzy zoom ins and special effects but no storyline (no quest no war no nothing). Presentation certainly counts but what is being presented is still infinitely more important.
A different variety of this disease is when people tend to tinker with stuff. Just to give their creative input or get the feeling of involvement, they will force their inputs or ideas into the fray. They may turn coriander soup into horseshit but their cup runneth over with joy and satisfaction......and horseshit of course.
No cure for that except to overplay what litte contribution they are allowed to make safely. Just make them feel wanted and satisfy their creative needs and they are as happy as a child whose build his own model helicopter.....never mind that the rotors on the back instead of the top.
Moral of the story is...no one does it the old fashioned way anymore. No one gives it to us straight out without any frills or bullcrap. They like to confuse us with their pretentious phrases and big words.

A Fried Delight




Something is seriously wrong with the icons of our generation. The Prime Minister....an educated politician for a change is out making weird decisions. Most of them are full of good intentions but all of them suffer from lack of foresight. None of them have really been thought through. Sachin Tendulkar has lost it, and this time it looks like its for good. I mean, he still displays flashes of brilliance, but so could many retired cricketers if called back. And the there is Khalid Mohamed. Overtly sensitive, always portraying women in good life (yeesh!!! that is like so yesterday), hes suddenly just lost it when it comes to movie reviews.
The latest victim of his being Bheja Fry. A debut effort, it is a cute offbeat situational comedy along the lines of Mixed Doubles and Khosla ka Ghosla. Small budget, great cast, innovative storyline, cool and realistic sets and top notch performances make this delightful little comedy a must watch. The only letdown being that the best actor of the lot, Ranvir Shorey was given a caricature of a role.
My DVD pick for those who like different but good movies is as follows. Now, you may or may not have heard these names but among the big budget preplanned staple fare, these movies somehow lost their way.
The Prestige
The Illusionist
A Scanner Darkly
Little Miss Sunshine
Memento
Happy Feet

To Rise from the Ashes, Or Be Ground to Dust



Ive been having my spate of bad luck/unfortunate accidents again. To be honest after the tenth board, my life never quite got back on track. Its never recovered from the spiral that it spun into. Try shifting gears, try handbrakes but nothing works (sorry folks, am way too much into NASCAR and F1 racing). So then i start thinking, is God trying to tell me something?

A while ago this girl sent me this corny SMS, God gives us something that we want, sometimes he says wait and gives us something better and at times he says no, and gives us something thats best for us. So i wonder if this is Gods way of helping me? Or am i subconciously trying to set myself free? Allow me to elucidate.

I think God is trying to phoenixize me. You know the legend...a phoenix burns up and then is reborn from the ashes (c'mon ppl, i know you read Harry Potter). So is God trying to set me free by completely decimating my life. As long as im attached to any part of it, i cant start over. Its like this line from fight club - Brad Pitt (yay, who else) "Its only after we lose everything that we're free to do anything."

Now a person cant just let go of his attachments and move on (Face it ppl, much as we like to collect lightsabers, we are no Jedi). It would take superhuman strenght to let go, specially when ur letting go of everything that you thought mattered. So its left to God to step up and do the job. In which case i should actually be glad that my life is going to ruin and tatters. But im an old man (ill be 21 this June). Its too late to start over. And what if i mess it up again? I have no
confidence or self esteem to speak of (and rightly so, for i am indeed worthless). To have everything that is even remotely right in my life disintegrate in my face would certainly do no wonders for my self confidence. And that sure wouldnt be the way to start over would it - with no life and no self esteem? Maybe i should start practicing letting go. Avoid parties,
picnics, gatherings, outings with friends, happy occasions. Learn to live with myself and alone (something that i am (finally) a little good at). And gather myself for the coming storm.

Deja Vu: Reluctantly Been There, Dont Wanna Do That


Okay, first off, the trailer was mighty deceptive. You go in expecting an Action thriller. Its only halfway through that you realise, the Action tag can go right out of the window. And its not much of a thriller.

Now i hate time travelling stories, simply because i refuse to believe in the concept of time travel (dimension hopping and arriving to an alternate version of ourselves, 5 days or 5 yrs in the past is something i can maybe digest given enough time). So, our story starts off with this special Invention that allows one to view events of the past, from any angle using
Satellite imaging...a sort of time window. You get your usual mumbo jumbo about space fabrics and linears and bending over itself (how bout that, the space jerks off too!!!). Mr. Einstein figures somewhere into the equation (of course). Now call me a geek or maybe this reflects on the pace of the movie but i actually enjoyed those lectures and theories.

Let me also clarify that at no point till the very end does any character experience any sense of Deja Vu whatsoever. And in the second half it is revealed that the movie is just going to be one of those time travelling movies. So it is indeed we that get a sense of Deja Vu of having been there and wasted popcorn on. Maybe its my prejudice against time travelling but
the movie feels disjointed....they pull u in one direction and then the movie ambles of in another.
Also, satellite imagery is a dangerous thing. It certainly highlights the invasion of privacy that we are so sure exists, specially by American Defense Agencies..nething in the name of doing their duty. Maybe its intentional, and if its not, its downright insensitive, but the scene where they playfully discuss peeking ona woman in the shower is eerie....to think the extent to which our lives can be invaded is a sobering thought. The hero goes to no length to save a girl but things nothing of other collateral damage.

I was downright diappointed with the movie. I was expecting better stuff...i mean this is Tony Scott, the guy who made Top Gun and Black Hawk Down. The end is kinda abrupt and leaves u feeling incomplete, the villain acts like he knows much more bout the time travelling techniques and hints away in all his glory but none of it surfaces in the climax. And the concept of toying with the past simply didnt wash with me, its not like they change an alternate reality...or transport themselves to an alternate dimension...and unlike H.G. Wells i dont believe that time is the fourth dimension...so there.

Lots of Smoke, Sufficient Fire: a 300 Review



Okay, so its not a good time for the Greek Empire. They are no longer the united Greeks that stormed the shores of Troy with legends like Achilles, Ajax, Oddesieus to bolster their rank - heroes who singlehandedly won battles. So now we have a more divided Greece, with an uneasy truce between them. We have the working class Akkadians, The philosophic and learned Athenians, and a few more including one beginning with an s that harbored a Jew/Sindhi like breed that i dont remember and isnt relevant. But our story revolves around the Spartans. Meagre in every aspect (most noticably their clothing) - hence the term spartan - but bloodthirsty. War is their trade and oh how joyously do they ply it. Spears and sheilds and swords. Guts and Gore and Blood and finally Glory.


A progressionist and broad minded king rules over Sparta. I mean he starts battle training his son at age 8 or so, thinks saying goodbye is weak and breaks all kinds of diplomatic laws by massacring messengers, but as Spartans go, he is forward minded. He sets out to defend Sparta against the invading Persian empire (1000 nations of the Persian empire no less!!!). But a few priests, mediums to the old gods, who look like albinos with Rodent Ulcer have to play spoilsport. They communicate with gods while drooling over bare breasted women (If all communion were such, we would be a more religous generation). Any way, in league with the bad guys, they decree that Sparta cannot go to war. So the king decides to take a stroll to collect his thoughts. And if he has his royal guard of 300 to accompany, so what? And if his strolls take him throught a narrow pass ideal to make a stand against the invading Persians, so what?

The Spartan 300 joined half heartedly by a few Akkadians fight tremenous, over the top odds, as Persia is joined by kingdoms from Asia (and everyone looks most decidedly African) . Fantastic (and i dont mean great, i mean from Fantasy) creatures, Elephants, monsters and even a Cyborg (!!!???) are visible. The immortal Persian army, which is elite (look like ferocious versions of the aforementioned priests) is quite okay.

Most of the great visuals are shown in the trailers. There is little more. But to see them on a giant screen is indeed a visual treat. Dont go in expecting a historically accurate, soberly portrayed histodocumentary. This is over the top of mindless violence people, vintage Frank Miller stuff. Xerxes, the Persian baddie looks like he wanted to be an Indian Princess but decided to become the Kings of Kings after all and suffered from Acromegaly in the proccess.
Gerard Butler does what hes supposed to do.....look majestic and ferocious and use his voice. Incidentally Spartans didnt believe in armor, so its just capes (in a battle?) and jockstraps....yep, a visual treat for gals and homosexuals as well.

Mindless gore, blood flowing like wine in a brothel, some amazing visual effects and a few babes thrown in....whats not to like.