Fashion Charade

Pink is the new Black proclaims one designer proudly. And all i can do is stare open mouthed and shake my head. I am speechless. The only speech i am capable of are monosyllablic and bisyllablic profanites and with dad in the earshot, uttering those are out of the question. Even so, i barely restrain my baser self from baring his true emotions. Who are these people and what do they think of themselves. The women are weird and pretentious and the men hardly look like men. They act and talk like fems and fags. Lets face it. Pink is for girls and gays (fine call me old fashioned...at least its fashioned....the new fashion is hardly fashion). Whoever thinks it can replace grey and black belongs in some kind of a mental asylum.
We all have by now heard of the massive tragedy that took place in Virginia Tech. Disturbed teenager goes on a killing spree spraying people with bullets. Well, these disturbed half men and women go about bombarding our visual senses with obnoxious patterns and garish colour combinations. But whats worse is, people love them and they make front page. What is this obsession with fashion designers. They look like colorblind ataxic imbeciles for most parts. And they presume to dictate and impose on us...Shades of hitler neone?
I for one am perinnealy dressed in shades of grey, dark grey, red and black. Imagine me running around in pink t shirts just cuz its the new black!!! Or better yet, imagine the next batman movie with poor Christian Bale swaggering around in Pink latex. Yeah that will throw the baddies off balance...with laughter. Aything new and out of the box is immediately hailed. Are we so starved for change? Lest we forget, the last time a society opted for a change, WWII happened. This time round its the Fashionists and not the Fascists that are in the fray.
But seriously, think about it. Everything that is unconventional is declared a hit. Resorting to obnoxiousness to stand out is simply pathetic. Its like people deliberately trying to be different, giving different answers in a bid to stand out and be recongnised. If everyone takes the high road, they take the low road. But this craving to be different, to be recognised is in everyone. And the craving to have something different is also a problem with everyone. Stupidity is now a valuable commodity with plenty of supply and even more demand.
But i am starting to digress. The topic is fashion trends. For girls, the jeans get lower and the tops keep creeping up the torso. And hey, im all for it but it doesnt stop there. Guys are into it now too. Low waist jeans and short t shirts. I mean to say...Hello? Next time you check your wardrobe for something to wear give it a thorough search. Maybe youll find your balls in there somewhere too. Three fourths/capris that dont go all the way down and end at the awkward shin area are all the rage. Somehow all they remind me of are street sweepers, with their trouser legs rolled up going at it with this big ass broom, kicking up more dust than removing it.
Designers move around accusing each other of plagiarism. Absurdity is one charge that they are all guilty of and no one thinks of sticking that charge to them. They are turning our movie heroes into barbies. The term metrosexual is just an excuse to make them wear pink and skyblue shirts. If the divide and rule policy is still anything to go by, the only way normal people can rule is by pitting our two greatest enemies, fashion designers and extremist groups against each other. Just accuse the former of using corrupting western influence (though heaven knows they can corrupt all on their own without any external help whatsoever) and the let the extremists take care of the rest.

Deconstructive Creativity

Okay, remember what i said bout Khalid Mohamed?? Hes more interested in rhyming and coming up with now not so funny witticisms that he forgets his main objective. Either that or hes become too political and has decided to support only a few filmmakers and actors. All he doles out are one and two stars. At the end of the review, people are still confused as to whether to watch the movie or not. Nothing is good enough for him. All he sees are flaws and defects. Maybe finally, after all these years of movie watching, movies have started to look like a job to him. He probably doesnt enjoy them anymore and only watches them because he has too. Lest he forget, someone better remind him that his main job is to tell the people whether they will enjoy a movie or not. Hes not being paid to whine about how he felt the movie is, no one cares about what he likes or dislikes.
As for the Hollywood reviewers in India, initially they thought that every foreign movie deserved at least three stars. Now, they are beginning to believe that panning something foreign and exotic is oh so cool cuz everyone is simply blown away by them, so even the best of efforts only get two and a half or three stars. Again, they are here to tell people whether they will get their moneys worth and have a good two hours or not. Also i think every movie should be categoriezed according to a few varities of people that exist. Cuz lets face it, not everyone is ecclectic enought to enjoy everything.
I have noticed this tendency in many professions. People tend to get overcreative. They let their quest for creativity overtake practicality. They lose sight of their main target and put everything into making the package look pretty. Its like a cheap porno novel with a leatherbound cover or a movie with all jazzy zoom ins and special effects but no storyline (no quest no war no nothing). Presentation certainly counts but what is being presented is still infinitely more important.
A different variety of this disease is when people tend to tinker with stuff. Just to give their creative input or get the feeling of involvement, they will force their inputs or ideas into the fray. They may turn coriander soup into horseshit but their cup runneth over with joy and satisfaction......and horseshit of course.
No cure for that except to overplay what litte contribution they are allowed to make safely. Just make them feel wanted and satisfy their creative needs and they are as happy as a child whose build his own model helicopter.....never mind that the rotors on the back instead of the top.
Moral of the story is...no one does it the old fashioned way anymore. No one gives it to us straight out without any frills or bullcrap. They like to confuse us with their pretentious phrases and big words.

A Fried Delight




Something is seriously wrong with the icons of our generation. The Prime Minister....an educated politician for a change is out making weird decisions. Most of them are full of good intentions but all of them suffer from lack of foresight. None of them have really been thought through. Sachin Tendulkar has lost it, and this time it looks like its for good. I mean, he still displays flashes of brilliance, but so could many retired cricketers if called back. And the there is Khalid Mohamed. Overtly sensitive, always portraying women in good life (yeesh!!! that is like so yesterday), hes suddenly just lost it when it comes to movie reviews.
The latest victim of his being Bheja Fry. A debut effort, it is a cute offbeat situational comedy along the lines of Mixed Doubles and Khosla ka Ghosla. Small budget, great cast, innovative storyline, cool and realistic sets and top notch performances make this delightful little comedy a must watch. The only letdown being that the best actor of the lot, Ranvir Shorey was given a caricature of a role.
My DVD pick for those who like different but good movies is as follows. Now, you may or may not have heard these names but among the big budget preplanned staple fare, these movies somehow lost their way.
The Prestige
The Illusionist
A Scanner Darkly
Little Miss Sunshine
Memento
Happy Feet

To Rise from the Ashes, Or Be Ground to Dust



Ive been having my spate of bad luck/unfortunate accidents again. To be honest after the tenth board, my life never quite got back on track. Its never recovered from the spiral that it spun into. Try shifting gears, try handbrakes but nothing works (sorry folks, am way too much into NASCAR and F1 racing). So then i start thinking, is God trying to tell me something?

A while ago this girl sent me this corny SMS, God gives us something that we want, sometimes he says wait and gives us something better and at times he says no, and gives us something thats best for us. So i wonder if this is Gods way of helping me? Or am i subconciously trying to set myself free? Allow me to elucidate.

I think God is trying to phoenixize me. You know the legend...a phoenix burns up and then is reborn from the ashes (c'mon ppl, i know you read Harry Potter). So is God trying to set me free by completely decimating my life. As long as im attached to any part of it, i cant start over. Its like this line from fight club - Brad Pitt (yay, who else) "Its only after we lose everything that we're free to do anything."

Now a person cant just let go of his attachments and move on (Face it ppl, much as we like to collect lightsabers, we are no Jedi). It would take superhuman strenght to let go, specially when ur letting go of everything that you thought mattered. So its left to God to step up and do the job. In which case i should actually be glad that my life is going to ruin and tatters. But im an old man (ill be 21 this June). Its too late to start over. And what if i mess it up again? I have no
confidence or self esteem to speak of (and rightly so, for i am indeed worthless). To have everything that is even remotely right in my life disintegrate in my face would certainly do no wonders for my self confidence. And that sure wouldnt be the way to start over would it - with no life and no self esteem? Maybe i should start practicing letting go. Avoid parties,
picnics, gatherings, outings with friends, happy occasions. Learn to live with myself and alone (something that i am (finally) a little good at). And gather myself for the coming storm.

Deja Vu: Reluctantly Been There, Dont Wanna Do That


Okay, first off, the trailer was mighty deceptive. You go in expecting an Action thriller. Its only halfway through that you realise, the Action tag can go right out of the window. And its not much of a thriller.

Now i hate time travelling stories, simply because i refuse to believe in the concept of time travel (dimension hopping and arriving to an alternate version of ourselves, 5 days or 5 yrs in the past is something i can maybe digest given enough time). So, our story starts off with this special Invention that allows one to view events of the past, from any angle using
Satellite imaging...a sort of time window. You get your usual mumbo jumbo about space fabrics and linears and bending over itself (how bout that, the space jerks off too!!!). Mr. Einstein figures somewhere into the equation (of course). Now call me a geek or maybe this reflects on the pace of the movie but i actually enjoyed those lectures and theories.

Let me also clarify that at no point till the very end does any character experience any sense of Deja Vu whatsoever. And in the second half it is revealed that the movie is just going to be one of those time travelling movies. So it is indeed we that get a sense of Deja Vu of having been there and wasted popcorn on. Maybe its my prejudice against time travelling but
the movie feels disjointed....they pull u in one direction and then the movie ambles of in another.
Also, satellite imagery is a dangerous thing. It certainly highlights the invasion of privacy that we are so sure exists, specially by American Defense Agencies..nething in the name of doing their duty. Maybe its intentional, and if its not, its downright insensitive, but the scene where they playfully discuss peeking ona woman in the shower is eerie....to think the extent to which our lives can be invaded is a sobering thought. The hero goes to no length to save a girl but things nothing of other collateral damage.

I was downright diappointed with the movie. I was expecting better stuff...i mean this is Tony Scott, the guy who made Top Gun and Black Hawk Down. The end is kinda abrupt and leaves u feeling incomplete, the villain acts like he knows much more bout the time travelling techniques and hints away in all his glory but none of it surfaces in the climax. And the concept of toying with the past simply didnt wash with me, its not like they change an alternate reality...or transport themselves to an alternate dimension...and unlike H.G. Wells i dont believe that time is the fourth dimension...so there.

Lots of Smoke, Sufficient Fire: a 300 Review



Okay, so its not a good time for the Greek Empire. They are no longer the united Greeks that stormed the shores of Troy with legends like Achilles, Ajax, Oddesieus to bolster their rank - heroes who singlehandedly won battles. So now we have a more divided Greece, with an uneasy truce between them. We have the working class Akkadians, The philosophic and learned Athenians, and a few more including one beginning with an s that harbored a Jew/Sindhi like breed that i dont remember and isnt relevant. But our story revolves around the Spartans. Meagre in every aspect (most noticably their clothing) - hence the term spartan - but bloodthirsty. War is their trade and oh how joyously do they ply it. Spears and sheilds and swords. Guts and Gore and Blood and finally Glory.


A progressionist and broad minded king rules over Sparta. I mean he starts battle training his son at age 8 or so, thinks saying goodbye is weak and breaks all kinds of diplomatic laws by massacring messengers, but as Spartans go, he is forward minded. He sets out to defend Sparta against the invading Persian empire (1000 nations of the Persian empire no less!!!). But a few priests, mediums to the old gods, who look like albinos with Rodent Ulcer have to play spoilsport. They communicate with gods while drooling over bare breasted women (If all communion were such, we would be a more religous generation). Any way, in league with the bad guys, they decree that Sparta cannot go to war. So the king decides to take a stroll to collect his thoughts. And if he has his royal guard of 300 to accompany, so what? And if his strolls take him throught a narrow pass ideal to make a stand against the invading Persians, so what?

The Spartan 300 joined half heartedly by a few Akkadians fight tremenous, over the top odds, as Persia is joined by kingdoms from Asia (and everyone looks most decidedly African) . Fantastic (and i dont mean great, i mean from Fantasy) creatures, Elephants, monsters and even a Cyborg (!!!???) are visible. The immortal Persian army, which is elite (look like ferocious versions of the aforementioned priests) is quite okay.

Most of the great visuals are shown in the trailers. There is little more. But to see them on a giant screen is indeed a visual treat. Dont go in expecting a historically accurate, soberly portrayed histodocumentary. This is over the top of mindless violence people, vintage Frank Miller stuff. Xerxes, the Persian baddie looks like he wanted to be an Indian Princess but decided to become the Kings of Kings after all and suffered from Acromegaly in the proccess.
Gerard Butler does what hes supposed to do.....look majestic and ferocious and use his voice. Incidentally Spartans didnt believe in armor, so its just capes (in a battle?) and jockstraps....yep, a visual treat for gals and homosexuals as well.

Mindless gore, blood flowing like wine in a brothel, some amazing visual effects and a few babes thrown in....whats not to like.

Confessions of a Deluded Mind


A cry for attention is a cry for help. To be pathetic, a loser or dysfucntional is common. To be so and to aspire to be normal or great is also common. But many aspire to be loonies. Pretend to be dark, mysterious, demented, psycho. Sadly, they are not so...maybe a little deluded but certainly not demented. Its just the aura of mystery the attraction of darkness that makes them pretend. It is indeed a cry for help. Manifesting itself in the form of attention grabbing.

Now the trick here is doing something that comes as second nature to us. Heres our chance to act like our parents and elders and basically go nuts with the wiseguy/smart alec routine. We get to deny them what they want (oh, boy). Giving them attention is to reinforce their delusions. What they need is not our attention, but our help. Helping such a person is not easy. Telling him he needs help would be to tell him that you see right through him. As ive occasion to mention before, telling a person that is like the worst possible thing you could do. Its like going up to Houdini in the middle of his greatest trick and saying,"hey mister, i know how you do that trick."

And to a person obssessed with mysteries and the dark psyche, such a thing would be doubly or tenfold worse because the one fact that he treasures, the one fact that he holds paramount is that no one understands him/her. That is his misery and he revels in it. It is his gift and his curse - it makes him the Spiderman of his world.

Now im no Freud (though i have a friend who is) - hell im worse than small fries (French Freud, if u will) compared to him, so far be it from me to suggest any treatment. But i think a fun way to experiment (now now, we are not toying with the poor soul, merely experimenting)
would be to adapt a dark persona urself. Overdo it, make it over the top and let him see how ridiculous it looks. He will end up ridiculing you for your pretentiousness (what you thought only people who force themselves to watch Water, Namesake, Capote, The Queen and not enjoy it are pretentious?). Then patiently ease in and make him see that you are only mirroring
him.